Yay For Weekends

Currently Listening To: A Pirate Looks At Forty- Jimmy Buffet

I went to a tour, and a job interview with UPS this week. It was all kind of a blur, I really didn't want to apply, but Chris sort of rushed me into it. So I have a few weeks before I'll hear from them again, but I doubt I'd get the job. There were a few guys who were buffer, and with more experience than me. Which is fine, because I think I want to look for a slightly less hectic job. It was nice that the job involved me just loading a truck all by my lonesome, able to listen to my music, not wearing a uniform, and the benefits were awesome, but I seriously doubt I could keep up with the ridiculously fast pace the job demands. I'm not able, currently, to be chucking packages at a rate at 1 package after another for 4 straight hours. At least, not right now. Anyway, it's probably best that I find a slightly less demanding job, not to mention a job that's a bit closer, rather than about 10 miles away *L* A job that I could ride my bike to until I get my license.

That's my main motivation to getting a job right now, anyway. I want to be able to afford insurance, so I can get a license and not be tempted to drive without insurance. A few friends of mine, including Chris, had made that mistake, and they're paying assloads of money for it. Chris, fortunately, got insurance right away after he got his ticket, and they waived the fine. But I'm not stupid, I learn from others' mistakes as well as my own. It pays to pay attention now and again.

I'm crossing my fingers that maybe, just maybe, a music store will be hiring. Even for just a stockperson. That would be super-fucking-amazingly-awesome. I've been missing marching band a lot lately, and maybe if I found something based in music I'd ease that ache a bit.

If not, I'll find something. But I'm a bit nervous. I'd have to ask for a week off in September when I apply, and that never goes well. I'm afraid that it will hurt my prospects. But I suppose I've just gotta keep my fingers crossed and keep on trying.

Even though this week's been fairly light stops wise, the week has felt hectic and crazy. For two days, I got up, rushed to job interviews, rushed out of job interviews and rushed back to working with Chris. Not to mention it's been hot and sticky all week. Blaaaaaaaaah. I'm glad it's the weekend, 'cause I plan to plain veg out.

It keeps catching me off guard: My wedding will be in 2.5 months. O.O It seems so far away, but I know those months will pass by before I realize it. I'm so damned excited! Oh! I finally got a hold of Brian, and we're taking Dom in to get her dress fitted and bought this weekend. Also, Chris and I are going to shop around and figure out where we're gonna register.

So Yesterday Went Pretty Well...

Currently Listening To: In a Gentle Rain-Robert W. Smith

So we had our planning meeting thingie yesterday. It went as well as expected. We got some things taken care of, some stuff finally set and planned out. Our rehearsal and dinner is on September 10th. Steve Rorie is gonna officiate for us, yay! Our budget is low, but I don't really care all that much. As long as it's nice, and it's not shoddy, and as long as we're not eloping, I don't care.

No thanks to Chris' mother, though. I don't know what's wrong with her, but she called on Friday and decided to take it upon herself to lecture him for an hour over the phone. First of all, she asked if we wanted her there for money.

Who the fuck asks that? Of course we didnt' want her there for money. We have no idea what we're doing with this wedding. We need experienced advice concerning how to go about things. All we wanted was for her to be there, for support, because she's Chris' mom.

But apparently that's horrible, and deserves a half hour long lecture. We should be pushing it back for a year, and we shouldn't be asking anyone for help, apparently, because a wedding is something that's completely on Chris and mine's shoulders. But even though she bitched that much, she reluctantly said she'd donate 200 dollars.

I don't know what's going on with her, but I really don't care at this point. That was horribly rude and uncalled for, and if she doesn't want to be a part of this, than fine, she doesn't have to be. We won't include her. We didn't want money from her. We didn't want the sudden bitchy-tirade, either. We just wanted her support, but apparently that's a huge imposition and she can't possibly give it to us. Grrr.

Survey Time!

Currently Listening To: I Need A Hero- Shrek version

A - Available? Nopers
A - Age: 23
A - Annoyance: Religious extremism

B - Best Friends?: My fiance and Carly
B - Band: Alice in Chains
B - Birthday?: Dec. 13th

C - Crush: Chrissopher ^__^
C - Car: Shitty '78 Chevy Nova
C - Cat: FUCK CATS UP THEIR STUPID ASSES

D - Dead Pet's Name: Murphy Brown, female St. Bernard. I loved that dog.
D - Dad's Name: Michael
D - Dog: Joxer

E - Easiest person to talk to: Chris
E - Eggs: Scrambled, please! When you beat them, please put a bit of milk in, it makes for fluffier eggs!
E - Email: Ask, and thou might recieve if I'm feeling generous.

F - Favorite color?: Blue. Or Lavender. I have a few favorite colors.
F - Food: So many to choose from! Hm... steak, maybe? Chicken's awful versatile... I dunno! >.<;;
F - Foreign Language: Francais et Nihon-go
G - Gummi Bears or Worms: WORMS, BEEYOTCH.
G - God: Is probably a great being, but I think people misinterpret him, or her, or it. God has many reflections that can't be described with just one religion. And if he's not real, and there's a very real chance he's not, it's a nice idea.
G - Good Times: Marching band in high school. *sighs* I miss it lots.
H - Hair Color: Dark blonde.
H - Height: 5'4"
H - Happy: Kinda content, maybe, but not completely happy at the moment.
I - Ice Cream: Cherry Garcia, bitch!
I - Instrument: Clarinet, baritone (euphonium)
I - Idol: Angelina Jolie. I wouldn't quite say I idolize her, but I do look up to her.
J - Jewelry: My engagement ring and matching necklace. White gold, ceylon sapphire, small diamond chips. It looks like a drop of water with ice around it ^_^
J - Job: Novelist, chef or something involving orchestral music
J - Jokes: Pete and Repeat got into a boat....

K - Kids: 1. Much later in life. Like, 10 years in the future. If at all.
K - Karate: I can kick high.... that's about it.
K - Kung Fu: Hong Kong Fooey?
L - Love or lust: Definitely love.
L - Longest Car ride: 7 hour drive from Spokane to the Ho National Rainforest.
L - Lipstick or Chapstick: Chapstick.
M - Milk Flavour: Chocolate, wai!
M - Mother's Name: Christina
M - Movie Last Watched: Billy Madison. It was okay. It was an Adam Sandler movie, so eh.
N - Number of Siblings: 2. A younger brother and sister.
N - Name of Siblings: Billie Jo and Lee Edward
N - Name: My name? Victoria
O - One Wish: I wish I were rich, so my fiance and I could be better off, and so we could help our friends out.
O - One Phobia: NO! Too bad! I'm naming lots! Spiders, death, people, crowds, small places. HAH!
O - Otter Pop: Pancho Punch!!!
P - Parents, are they married or divorced: Divorced. My mom's divorced twice.
P - Part of your appearance you like best: I guess I like my hair and eyes the best. My hair I can style all sorts of ways, and my eyes are blue. *shrugs*
P - Part of your Personality you like best: Random bouts of silliness and insanity? Q - Quick or Slow?: In the middle. HAH.
Q - Queen or King?: Neither. I never want that sort of responsibility *L*
R - Reason to smile: Because I'm getting married in September.
R - Reality TV Show: Hogan Knows Best. That show makes me laugh. It's one of two reality shows I can stand to watch, because it's ridiculous.
R - Right or Left: I'm right handed.
S - Song Last Heard: NIN-Perfect Drug
S - Series: The Oz book series.
T - Time you woke up: 6:45 am
T - Time Now: 12:30
T - Time for bed: After I'm finished with this.
U - Unknown: Divinity. Wait, divinity exists in a candy... um...
U - Unicorns: is what my ranger/paladin will be riding soon, bitches!
U - You are: a tomboy
V- Vegetable you love: Mmmm, radishes.
V - Vegetable you hate: Fucking asparagas, broccoli, squash and cauliflower!
V - View on Politics: You can't legislate morality. This isn't a theocracy, so stop trying to fucking force your religious views on me, asshat.
W - Worst Habit: Being a bit indecisive. It's worse in the way that I usually get that way when I know there's a time limit on a decision. Pisses me off.
W - What's up?: Gas prices. Unfortunately.
W - Wijadija: Wikipedia?
X - X-Rays: Had one on my toe once, I think. I don't remember.
Y - Year you were born: '82
Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yellow?: Not my favorite color. Too damn cheery.
Z - Zoo Animal: I like dogs, horses and elk. Fuck your zoo animals.
Z - Zodiac: Saggitarius. Centaur Archer, FTW!
Z - Zoolander?: Never saw it all the way through. I still need to.

More thoughts on religion

Currently Listening to: The Son Never Shines on Closed Doors- Flogging Molly
(heh.... ironic.)

These things I'm saying are my own opinions, which come from my own observations.

Religion and spirituality strike me as two different things. Related, but different.

Religion is a means to an end, that end being spirituality. Some people, I've noticed, prefer or need structure to find their spirituality, to feel closer to their God or whathaveyou. Religion consists of a set of rules or a regamine that one follows to achieve the feeling of spirituality.

Spirituality is the feeling that you are connected with the world around you, that your soul is enlightened, and that you've found a more profound meaning for your existance.

Now, I'm not refuting the fact that most people search for higher meanings for their lives. It's a very human thing to do. Very few want to think that they're no better than the pillbugs that crawl under rocks; that they're really no better than any common animal or plant put upon the earth. That being said, most people begin to search for a meaning to their lives, or create a meaning for their lives.

Most often, people turn to religion, which for them, begets spirituality. Religion, I've found, is a human's way of trying to set itself apart from the animals and plants around it. It's often characterized in denying it's animal urges, like sex or eating certain foods, his phobia of things that differ from him (though many religions use this as a tool for power, which I'll cover later.)

Religion, for most people, offers a clear path to one's spirituality. It's structered, and many people feel comfortable following rules and mastering their self discipline to achieve what they're looking for. However, the time that has to elapse for each person is different. Some people feel it the moment they begin practicing, while others spend their entire lives waiting for that one moment of clarity.

This is not to say that everyone who follows a religion is sincere in their search for spirituality. Some people are deluded or frightened into thinking that the only way to feel spiritual is to jump on a certain religion's bandwagon. Others, in their search for spirituality, are consumed by religious obsession, so that it rules every aspect of their lives. Others join religions for the sole purpose of a blissful afterlife, or for the boons the denomination grants them. Others join to rise through the ranks of a church or temple, to attain the power only being a holy man can offer.

The first example is simply a misguided person. Most people are ignorant to the fact that spirituality can be reached through means other than going to church every day. They're constantly bombarded by messages of simultaneous fear and bliss that often times they can't help but think it's the only way to go. This isn't spirituality. This is giving into peer pressure, essentially.

The second example has good intentions at heart, but his search for spirituality has consumed him. In a sense, he's found another spirituality, or rather something to fill the void. His religion penetrates every aspect of his life, from waking to sleeping, from love to hate, to hobbies and even small habits. An obsessive religious person is so convinced that his choice in denominations is right that he feels no remorse in infringing on the rights of others. This is not spirituality. This is obession.

The third example is a selfish person at heart. This sort of person is not likely to look at the potential good person inside him and be the best person he can be. He goes through the motions because he's told this will lead him to bliss. This isn't spirituality. It's self interest.

The fourth example is perhaps the vilest of all. The people who join a religion for the power. Religion is a powerful tool that can be used for good or evil. Those who use it to further their own means are probably some of the most evil people around. They manipulate the faith of innocent people to get their money, or to exact power over them, or to further their own hate for one group or another. This isn't spirituality. This is greed, pride and power.

What remains in religion are those who truly wish to find spirituality and to bond with their fellow man. These people I have no problem with, so long as their keep their religion to themselves. If they feel they need to take on a religion to find their spirituality, then more power to them, whatever floats their boat. Who am I to judge how they find their spirit? There are many people I know who have bettered themselves and their lives through religion, and have truly become happy with themselves, and if it works for them, then I'm happy for them. People work in different ways.

Now, there are people who don't feel they need religion to define themselves spiritually. There are people, such as myself, who feel that we can achieve a state of spirituality through thought and self worth.

My personal belief is that the religions of the world all reflect the worship of one enitity, energy or whathaveyou that presides over us all. Whether or not that worship involves Allah, God, earth spirits or a Goddess is irrelevant. The point is that you're worshipping the very essence of Earth and the human spirit, and through that, you're achieving your needed level of spirituality. I, myself, do not have a religion. I can go outside on a beautiful day, take a deep breath, and feel connected with the world. I can feel the human spirit when I look into my fiance's eyes, or when I watch a happy gathering. To me, each day is an affirmation of how we're all connected in the world, and how our actions affect one another, and how important it is to nurture our planet and the loved ones around us. Each day is an affirmation of life. And through living my life to the fullest I give thanks in my heart to whatever energy made all of it possible. I don't feel obligated to adhere to a strict rule-set, or practices, or physical offerings of my thanks.

To me, life is something to be lived. To quote a man who spoke at my sister's commencement, "Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is it. Live it to the fullest."

Even though I'd like there to be something there for me after I pass on, there's a chance there won't be. So I'll be the best person I can be, live my life to the fullest, and pass on knowing that I enjoyed my life and made a difference in one way or another. In the end, religious or not, that'ss something we can all bank on.

Pants really ought to be stronger.

Currently Listening To: Who'll Stop the Rain- CCR

Yesterday at work, I was climbing up on the catwalk next to the conveyer belt at work, when my pants suddenly rip! From the inside of my mid-thigh all the way up to my fly! Holy crap! That was embarrassing! Especially since I was the only woman in the warehouse! Luckily, no one noticed as I told Chris want happened and slipped into the cab of the truck. But soon I heard Chris having trouble with the load he was recieving, so I had to duct-tape my pants back together and rush out to help him.

It kept my pants together, but it also stuck to my skin. Owie. It left little bruises all up my left thigh as it stuck tight to my skin and refused to let go.

So I need to get some new pants. I think I'm going to get a few pairs, maybe 2 or 3, and a nice shirt. I need a nice blouse for job interviews, because the other nice blouses I have show a bit of cleavage, by a bit I mean more than a bit since I've gained a bra size, and that's far from appropriate for job interviews. So I'll probably get a nice button up shirt and a jacket. Of course, this is when we get the money. But the shirt and jacket are must haves, because I need to find a part time job fairly soon. This makes me nervous, as we're close to the date of our wedding, and me not being home means I can't plan for it. Grr.

I went to my sister's graduation from Spokane Falls Community College today, and it stayed clear and nice all the way up to the recession, when it got dark and started to storm. I didn't bring my jacket because it was nice, and I was wearing a white skirt. I had no intention of showing the entire gathering my panties, so I hurried to something covered, and then to the car. My dad took us out to dinner, and we had a nice time. I feel like my family is getting closer together now that we're not living together.

I can't wait to go to college. Of course, money's an issue, but I want to go back to school fairly badly. I want to be in band again, and I want to get some sort of arts degree. Well, patience is a virtue, and I have lots of that.

Change is good.

Currently Listening To: Landslide- Fleetwood Mac

I like this template better. It's all pastel and soothing and stuff.

Rain rain rain...

Currently Listening To: Strawberry Wine- Dina Carter

It's been raining steadily all day, and I'm am perfectly okay with that. It's so much better than the nasty heat that Spokane is prone to during the summer. That's not to say that I don't wish this summer was warm, but I certainly hope that this summer is dotted with more days like this. And man, have there been a crapload of thunderstorms thus far! It's been awesome.

So yeah. I'm not going to dignify Sparky and Captain Assanine with responses for a while over on their blog. It's beginning to be very clear that they're saying some of the things they are strictly for attention, and I despise attentionwhores. It'll take a bit of willpower, though. The things they say really piss me off, when generally when I'm pissed off, it's my first reaction to be very vocal about it.

Chris' mother decided to take it upon herself, the other day, to tell Chris that we should push our wedding back another year. And then she told Chris' grandmother, who also decided to sit him down and lecture him about it. To which Chris said "No, stop worrying". Especially since the first few months during our planning, all she did was stare at us when we talked to her about it. So she can calm down and help us out, like everyone else is going to.

Honestly, who tells someone to push back their own wedding like that? *sighs*

I've had the urge lately to write. But I've got no decent word program yet. Grrrrrrr. I have an entire part in my novel that I need to rewrite. Also, I've had a strange urge to write fanfic again. I think if I do end up doing that, I might change around the story I was originally writing. Or just write oneshots. Fanfic is fine, as long as it's not riddled with Mary-Sues, stupid-ass "fanpairings" and sex for no reason. *gag* I'm so sick of "OMG SEX VASH AND DRACO WAI! STUPID BREEDERS!" Grow up, fangirls, and get laid, please.

I think I'm gonna make chicken alfredo tonight for dinner. Which means I've gotta go to the store and get some noodles, sauce and all of that. I get to use my new umbrella, hurray!

......

Currently Listening To: Ghost Riders in the Sky - Johnny Cash

http://jesusloveseverything.blogspot.com/2006/06/its-never-too-late-even-for-brain-dead.html

My God. Just... Jesus Christ. People like this shouldn't be allowed to breed. I'm literally sickened. Seriously. My stomach turned. These sick bastards need to be dragged from their homes and forced into a mental facility before they hurt someone. Seriously. And to think, Nathaniel has a family. It's depressing.

I Love This Song, 'Cause It's True

Currently Listening To: Russian Sailor's Dance- Tchaikovsky

Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Go to Fred Segal, you'll find them there

Laughing loud so all the little people stare

Looking for a daddy to pay for the champagne

(Drop a name)

What happened to the dreams of a girl president

She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent

They travel in packs of two or three

With their itsy bitsy doggies and their teeny-weeny tees

Where, oh where, have the smart people gone?

Oh where, oh where could they be?

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back

Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

(Break it down now)

Disease's growing, it's epidemic

I'm scared that there ain't a cure

The world believes it and I'm going crazy

I cannot take any more

I'm so glad that I'll never fit in

That will never be me

Outcasts and girls with ambition

That's what I wanna see

Disasters all around

World despaired

Their only concern

Will they fuck up my hair

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back

Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

[Interlude]Oh my god you guys, I totally had more than 300 calories

That was so not sexy, no

Good one, can I borrow that?[Vomits]

I WILL BE SKINNY

(Do ya thing, do ya thing, do ya thing)

(I like this, like this, like this)

Pretty will you fuck me girl, silly as a lucky girl

Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl!

Pretty would you fuck me girl, silly as a lucky girl

Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl!

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back

Push up my bra like that, stupid girl!

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back

Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Gay Rights Parade

Currently Listening To: Goo Goo Dolls- Acoustic #3

So lots of fun stuff today. We went to the Rainbow Parade and festival, which was all about gay rights. The parade was short, but colorful and made quite an impact. The turnout to this festival was twice what it was last year, and wow there were a lot of people there. Chris, my roomate and I went to support a gay co-worker of ours who asked us to be there for support.
It's scary; some of the drag queens there filled dresses out better than I did. How sad is that? *L*
While there, I got a nice new pair of earrings, rode on the gondola over Spokane Falls, got to pet some puppies at the SCRAPS booth that was there. Squee ^__^
The Universal Unitarian Church was there. I read their pamphlet. They're pretty cool, all about being spiritual, tolerant and accepting without being rigidly religious, pretentious or bigoted. I'm thinking that if our current idea for an officiate doesn't work, I'll talk to Chris about possibly having a preacher from that church officiate our wedding. It's another contingency, anyway.
Afterward, we wandered down to Boo Radley's, where I got some pirate stickers, yay! And then we wandered down to Uncle's Games, where I got a purple d6 with a skull and crossbones, and Chris got a d6 numbered in Japanese.
It was raining earlier on today, but about a half hour after the parade had started, it cleared right up and the sun came out. It was a bit soggy and muggy, but the atmosphere was really nice.
I was suprised to see as many families as I did at the festival. It's heartening to know that parent's aren't shielding their children from the facts of the world, and are instead letting them experience them, to make decisions of their own.
I think the general happy atmosphere can be attributed to the fact that the constitutional amendment that would have banned gay marriage was rejected in congress this week. I seriously hope that this state rethinks it's stance on gay marriage. I mean, I'm all for churches dictating who they do and don't marry -to do otherwise would be infringeing on their religious rights- but if a more accepting church wants to marry a gay couple, they should be able to. Likewise, if a gay couple wants to get a civil union, they should be able to. Gays marrying isn't hurting anything. They're not breaking up married couples. They're not kicking puppies. They're not pissing in everyone's Cheerios. They just want the same rights as straights, and that's not a crime.

More of the Same

Currently Listening To: Strawberry Alarmclock- Incense and Peppermints


These things are so fun. I'm addicted to them, I swear....

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated. You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

Your Love Element Is Water

In love, you connect deeply and commit totally. For you, love is all about taking risks and moving into unknown territory. You attract others with courage and confidence. Your flirting style is defined by your flexibility and ability to adapt. Nurturing and shared learning are the cornerstones of your love life. And while you may jump in to love too quickly, you always come out the wiser for it. You connect best with: Metal Avoid: Earth You And another Water element: will pull each other down into a dark place

What Element Is Your Love?

Your Dosha is Kapha

Calm and grounded, you are not prone to mood swings or anger. However, once you do get angry, it takes a lot to cool you down. You tend to think a little slower than most people, but your logic is astounding. Overall, you very loyal and trustworthy. You're not scared of being who you really are. With friends: You enjoy their company, but often listen more than talk In love: You crave connection and affection. It's hard for you to be single. To achieve more balance: Exercise vigorously (especially in the sun) and let go of attachments.

What's Your Dosha?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are Artemis!

Brave, and a natural born leader. You're willing to fight for what you believe in... And willing to make tough decisions. Don't forget - the people around you have ideas too!

What Goddess Are You?

You Are Trinity

"Touch me and that hand will never touch anything again."

What Superheroine Are You?

So Here's the Rundown...

Currently Listening To: Rodeo -Hoedown- by Aaron Copland

Wedding checklist:
~Called Brian about Dominique's appointment to get her dressed fitted. Left a message with Ami.
~Had Chris call his mom and recruited her for looking into Cliff Park, and to possibly pull some old Boy Scout strings.
~Called my mom to inform her we have another person working on the wedding place as well.
~One of my bridesmaids is still looking up recipes. Need to set a date to go through all of those.
~Still need to get the mom's dresses.
~WEDDING CAKES, FLOWERS AND DJ.

G'ah.

I applied at Petco today as a brusher. I'd basically just brush dogs in the grooming department. We need some extra cash, if for anything my insurance for my lisence. I really would like my driver's lisence, and it would help out a lot. So if anything, a part time job would pay for my insurance. Plus I wouldn't have to deal with a lot of people. I can dig that.

Chris' job is giving him crap. They keep adding stops and sections to his route, and not compensating him for them, but they expect him to keep up the same time frame and job performance. He has pick-ups at the end of his route, but they have to be picked up by 5. With the current amount of stops he has, he can't get to the pickups by 5, as he's 1 or 2 sections away, and has been having to have other workers cover his pickups for him. He averages about 12 stops per section, and he has 6 sections. So that's an average of 72 stops a day. In a timeframe of 9-5. Not counting bathroom breaks and stopping somewhere to, oh, I dunno, eat. And that's just average. It's really harsh. So if asking for a raise and taking the pickups off the end of his route doesn't work, he's probably going to start looking for another job. He likes delivering packages, but this is really eating away at him. He busts his ass so hard, and it's still not good enough, even when I'm there to help him on his route. It seriously blows.

Apparently we're getting a gerbil, cage and food for free. Carly is bringing him over, because they can't re-sell animals that people have brought back for a refund. Which is fine, we have rats already, so a gerbil won't be so bad.

After she gets here and leaves, I'm gonna go for a walk. I've been trying to get more exercise, cut back on my portions and junk food. It's just healthier for me, and summer-time's the time to do it. I'm also trying some supplements that boost my metabolism and energy. Yes, I'm being careful with them, and if they start adversely affecting me, I'll stop. I'm not dumb, but I figured I'd give them a shot.

That's about it.

Interesting Thought

Currently Listening To: Nutshell- Alice in Chains

So Chris and I were discussing religion the other day, after another night of pseudo-debating with Sparky the Wonder Zealot online. We were coming out of 7-11 just after getting gas, munching on hotdogs and taking off to go start on the second section we deliver to when I had a thought:

If the Fundamentalist Christian Right had their way, every right and privilage would be stripped from one if one were not Christian. The right to vote, the right to buy and sell, the right to ... well, do just about anything.

Now, take that notion, and apply it to Revelations. The End Times. Where when the AntiChrist appears, "true" Christians would be persecuted, and couldn't buy or sell things unless they had his number on the backs of their hands or on their foreheads.

Sounds familiar? It sounds a lot like what the Fundies want to do.

What if the Fundies were fulfilling their own prophecy? What if they're the evil we're suppose to overcome, according to the Bible? They abuse the Christian faith for their own reasons anyway, and hate everyone who disagrees with them.

If that were the case, all the Christians and good people who have Jesus and his love in their heart -the love that Jesus had intended, not what the Fundies take literally for their own gains- would rise to Heaven, and Jesus would smite the evil ones.

Now, I'm no Christian, but that's a damn interesting hypothesis. I know that if I were Jesus, and I had preached love and understanding in my lifetime, only to look down on the earth and see the hate and violence carried out in my name, I'd be extremely pissed. I'd want to smite a few heads in too.

Anyway, I've been tossing that idea around in my head for a few days. It's interesting, anyway.

Mleh.

Currently Listening To: Tonight Tonight- Smashing Pumpkins.

Mleh. Today was a better day work-wise. Less stops, and we got off work on time. Chris talked to the guys at work, and got their opinion on asking for a raise. They all agreed that he needs a raise, but he's gotta get some numbers together to prove to the boss that he deserves one. I hope he can convice his boss to give him a raise. Being compensated for the rise in gas prices would be awesome. Maybe we'd be able to spend more money on our wedding.

I'm feeling generally depressed. I swapped blog addresses with a friend of mine. So I was looking through his friends, and found a few of my friends. I skimmed a few friend's blogs, and came on one guy's blog who had some pretty horrible things to say about me. Apparently, he just keeps up "a song and dance", because I'm in his gaming groups. And I'm "a mutual friend of just about everyone he knows, so he couldn't drop be like a bad habit." Granted, this entry was in late 2004, but I really don't appreciate being lied to. Especially given the circumstances of the entry. I'd rather he just tell me this shit to my face so I could not talk to him and be done with it. Why all this passive-agressive bullshit?

I realize I had a hand in breaking he and my sister up. But what the hell was I supposed to do? Why should I have lied? If I had lied, when things got hairy, my sister would have just told mom I lied for her anyway to take the heat off of her, like she's done before. Besides, if mom found out I had lied, she would have thrown me out of my house. I had no job at the time, no where to go. I wasn't going to risk a place to sleep and food to eat because my sister wanted to ride some cock and take the guy's money, all the while cheating on him.

I tried telling him he was being cheated on. But of course, I apparently was only being vindictive, because I crushed on him, and my sister got to him first. I didn't care about him at all, or how he was being made a fool of, or how badly my sister was using him. Nope, apparently I'm incapable of being nothing but "overbearing, arrogant, controlling" and a trite plethora of other things.

Anyway, I found that last night. Not pleasant at all. It's strange, the stuff you can find on the 'net. Makes me wonder how many of my other friends might feel the same way. I honestly don't understand why any of this came to pass. I'm not fucking controlling. I try my damnedest not to be. Especially during the last few years. My mother is controlling, and I'll be damned if I turn into her. If it's because I'm assertive and don't just roll over and take things like a whiny bitch, then I'm terribly sorry, but I don't believe on getting walked all over because it's easier. I stand up for myself, and that's not a crime.

So I'm still kinda angry, but mostly depressed. He might not even think this anymore. It's been nearly 2 years after all. But it's something that doesn't dismiss itself easily from the mind. I've never had anyone who wanted to "drop me like a bad habit" before. That stings pretty badly. I'm sorry I hurt him, but at that point, it was his dick getting wet or my home, and my home won out. And if he doesn't believe me, then so be it, but he didn't live with my mother. He wouldn't understand. He didn't have his mother taking him into the next room and threatening to pack you up in the middle of the night and ship you out to your biological father who molested you when you were little and you don't even remember. It scared the shit out of me because I had no money, no job, and no way to get out. And I certainly wasn't going to burden my friends. Some of them were much worse off than I was.

So I suppose the moral of the story is "You think you know someone....". It goes both ways.




YOU ARE 70% BOYISH AND 30% GIRLISH

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

HOW YOU ARE IN LOVE

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give and take equally in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Fun-Type Quizzes!

Your Aura is Blue Your Aura is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What Color Is Your Aura?

Blue is my favorite color ^_^ And this is weird, since I've often bounced the idea around to be a psychologist.

You are a Lily

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

This one was weird. Chris calls me "Waterlily" when he's feeling romantic.

Your Eyes Should Be green

Your Eyes Should Be Green

Your eyes reflect: Striking attractiveness and danger What's hidden behind your eyes: A vivid inner world

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Even creepier. Melanie, my latest character concept and the mate to Chris' character in my book, has green eyes. O.O

You are a Self Discoverer

You are a Self-Discoverer

You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality.Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine.You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion.You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.

What's" Your Religious Philosophy?

Very, very true. I believe religion is merely means to an end; a tool to find spirituality. Some peopl need it, some people don't, and some people abuse the hell out of it for their own gain.

Your Hair Should Be Purple

Your Hair Should Be Purple

Intense, thoughtful, and unconventional.You're always philosophizing and inspiring others with your insights.

What's" Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

You Have a Melancholic Temperment

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

Very true sometimes.

Grr's and *spazzes*

Currently Listening To: Macaron Chacaron- El Mudo

Random Grrs that've been bugging me lately:

~ My friggin' scanner won't work since I updated my OS! I think I might have to hit the pawn shops to find me another scanner or something, 'cause otherwise my DeviantArt site's gonna collect dust. I have a few pictures that I want to post, but can't. Blaaaaaaaah.

~ It's irritating how businesses that are open from 9-5 on weekdays are only open until 1 or 2 on Saturdays. I can understand why, but it's so inconvinient! I went price-shopping for wedding cakes today, and the place I wanted to check out was only open until 2 PM. I had other things to do today, and I can't get in to see them during the week, because of their hours. Damn irritating.

~ I hate living from paycheck to paycheck. There are so many things I'd like to get for the house, and I'd like to start school again like nothing else, but I can't even start. Not working= no money. Cutting hours=no money. Lately I've actually been thinking about applying part time at the Starbucks near our house, just for a day or two to bring in a little extra revenue, but that would mean I'd have to stop helping Chris out at work, which leads to a chain reaction of bad events on that scale. It blows. But he's going to be asking for a raise soon, so that's a ray of sunshine.

Random *spazzes*!

~ I went to feed marmots (rock chucks for you East-Coast people ^_~) with Carly on Wednesday ^__^ It was so awesome. We hand fed them 2 bags of carrots. They were literally trying to crawl into our laps to get at the food. At one point, there was this squirrel that was chirping at me from behind the fence. I was sitting on the ground, looking up at him, and I said "Sorry buddy, you've gotta come over here." I think he got the hint, because he climbed up the fence around the other marmots, chirped at me from the top of the fence, then climbed down. So I was feeding Craisins to this squirrel, who was hanging upside down by his back feet. It was damn near the cutest thing ever. And we're gonna go do it again tomorrow ^__^

~I found a whole bunch of music I played in highschool on Limewire! The other night, I was up super-late, and I had this random idea. I typed in "Robert W Smith" and hit search, and I found the CD cuts of his music! I found "Where the Black Hawk Soars", "Into the Storm", "Encanto", "To Challenge the Sky and Heavens", "Rites of Tamburo", and a few others.

~ I recently finished re-painting the bell of my clarinet. Before, I had painted a garland of silver vines and red roses, but over the years it chipped and faded. This time I did a garland of green vines and blue bell shaped flowers. I think it turned out really well. ^____^

My thoughts on Pedophiles.

Currently Listening To: Devil's Dance Floor- Flogging Molly

WARNING: Much anger ahead. Just so you know.

I fucking hate pedos. There are many things that I dislike, that I say I hate because hate is the word that comes to mind, but I actually hate pedophiles. Nothing pisses me off more than when people prey on and hurt those weaker than them, and in many cases, none are so much weaker than everyone that children.

Now, those who know me know for a fact that I'm wary of children in the first place. Kids bug me. If I ever have children, and Chris and I have been talking about it in the far future, I hope to Whichever Deity or Energy is listening that I develop the patience for them. But despite my misgivings for the little ankle-biters, people hurting them sets off my already short fuse. Call it feminine instict.

And nothing is more fuckered up than child molestation.

Let's think back to when we were children. Let's say, from the time you can actually remember to about 10. Remember when you knew sex existed, but you never saw it, like UFOs and El Chupacabra. I distinctly remember it. And though many of you really don't wanna know, I didn't start getting puberty-tinglies until I was at least 13. So when people spout this crap about how "children should be able to express themselves sexuall", I immediately call bullshit. Pure, stinking bullshit.

I don't know what pisses me off more; pedophiles or the people who defend them. I understand that they're sick, but just because they're sick in the head doesn't excuse them from the fact that they want to hurt children. And the kind of hurt they inflict can screw a child up faster than you think.

I should know. I don't specifically remember any of it, but I had dreams all through my childhood and into adult hood that I couldn't explain until my mom told me what happened when I was 17. Everything just sort of fell into place; why I didn't like people touching me, why I always had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when sex was intimately discussed, all the dreams I was having. It was as if things went into a still frame, tarnished, and.. well, I can't really describe what it was like. I suppose in a fucked up way it's akin to being told Santa Claus doesn't exist. There's nothing quite like being told the virginity and innocence you were cherishing so much doesn't exist. That the thing you were hoping to give to just the right person had been taken from you before you were even cognizent of what it meant.

And what's funny is that it was like I had always known. In my mind, right before my mom was about to tell me, I thought "Oh god, I was molested, wasn't I?" Some kind of fucked up pre-cog. And I still have nightmares. Now they're a bit more detailed, and in different situations, but there have been a few times I've woken up in a cold swear, on the verge of tears over something I don't even remember happening.

>.<; I'm glad for my friends, who have helped me through the grieving of innocence lost.

But tangents aside, I sympathize and empathize with the little kids who had to go through this. I mean, hell, I don't remember the details, I can only imagine the torment of remember every moment and instance of said atrocity, and living with it as an 8 year old. This is something that will remain in the back of their minds, even after they've been helped through it. A scar that will fade in some respects, but never disappear. All that innocent trust you had for adults shattered because some sick fuck couldn't keep it in his pants.

*shudders*

My sort of justice is dragging them out into the streets by their hair, and removing their face with a shotgun, who's buckshot has been replaced with rocksalt. Quick, but painful and very public. But my sort of justice really doesn't go over well in the real world, and even though I'd love to employ justice upon those who would willingly hurt children, I recognize that it'd probably fuck me up beyond repair, and upset quite a few people.

So I leave it up to the justice department. I can only hope that their efforts to catch these bastards improve. South Carolina just passed a bill to allow prosecutors to persue the death penalty in more than one instance of sexual assault in a minor younger than 11. That's a weight off my mind.

I imagine it's a weight off the mind of the parents who have been made to suffer as well.

First off, a bit off my chest.

So yeah, I'm soooo eager for my wedding to be over. Not because I don't think it will be one of the happiest and beautiful moments in my life, but because of the damned planning! God, it's stressful. I feel like it's going nowhere, no matter what I do. A friend of mine said "one thing at a time", but what am I supposed to do when even one step at a time is hindered?

I'm thinking of asking my dad for financial help with it. Mostly with the place we'll be married at, the reception hall and the floral, I think. I can't afford to make this wedding nice. But I'm hoping my family will help out as crunch time approaches.

Thus far, I've gotten catering figured out, in so far as I'm getting together some moms and friends of mine, and they'll make a crapload of hors h'ouerves. My friend's girlfriend can do the photography for $175, I've gotten my dress and my bridesmaid's dresses together. Decorations will be next to no effort, but I'm still looking for a place to make the wedding cake. My mom's offered to pay for the honeymoon, ect.

But the fact remains that I still don't have a place to have the ceremony yet. I'm hoping that Cliff Park will be avaliable, but if not I may have to look into the 4 parks the Parks Department said, and cross my fingers that they won't rush us through our ceremony.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing this by myself, and that no one's really all that interested in it. Everyone seems so apathetic about it when I try and discuss the details about the wedding with them.

I'm going out of my skull with this. Oi.