Mleh.

Currently Listening To: Tonight Tonight- Smashing Pumpkins.

Mleh. Today was a better day work-wise. Less stops, and we got off work on time. Chris talked to the guys at work, and got their opinion on asking for a raise. They all agreed that he needs a raise, but he's gotta get some numbers together to prove to the boss that he deserves one. I hope he can convice his boss to give him a raise. Being compensated for the rise in gas prices would be awesome. Maybe we'd be able to spend more money on our wedding.

I'm feeling generally depressed. I swapped blog addresses with a friend of mine. So I was looking through his friends, and found a few of my friends. I skimmed a few friend's blogs, and came on one guy's blog who had some pretty horrible things to say about me. Apparently, he just keeps up "a song and dance", because I'm in his gaming groups. And I'm "a mutual friend of just about everyone he knows, so he couldn't drop be like a bad habit." Granted, this entry was in late 2004, but I really don't appreciate being lied to. Especially given the circumstances of the entry. I'd rather he just tell me this shit to my face so I could not talk to him and be done with it. Why all this passive-agressive bullshit?

I realize I had a hand in breaking he and my sister up. But what the hell was I supposed to do? Why should I have lied? If I had lied, when things got hairy, my sister would have just told mom I lied for her anyway to take the heat off of her, like she's done before. Besides, if mom found out I had lied, she would have thrown me out of my house. I had no job at the time, no where to go. I wasn't going to risk a place to sleep and food to eat because my sister wanted to ride some cock and take the guy's money, all the while cheating on him.

I tried telling him he was being cheated on. But of course, I apparently was only being vindictive, because I crushed on him, and my sister got to him first. I didn't care about him at all, or how he was being made a fool of, or how badly my sister was using him. Nope, apparently I'm incapable of being nothing but "overbearing, arrogant, controlling" and a trite plethora of other things.

Anyway, I found that last night. Not pleasant at all. It's strange, the stuff you can find on the 'net. Makes me wonder how many of my other friends might feel the same way. I honestly don't understand why any of this came to pass. I'm not fucking controlling. I try my damnedest not to be. Especially during the last few years. My mother is controlling, and I'll be damned if I turn into her. If it's because I'm assertive and don't just roll over and take things like a whiny bitch, then I'm terribly sorry, but I don't believe on getting walked all over because it's easier. I stand up for myself, and that's not a crime.

So I'm still kinda angry, but mostly depressed. He might not even think this anymore. It's been nearly 2 years after all. But it's something that doesn't dismiss itself easily from the mind. I've never had anyone who wanted to "drop me like a bad habit" before. That stings pretty badly. I'm sorry I hurt him, but at that point, it was his dick getting wet or my home, and my home won out. And if he doesn't believe me, then so be it, but he didn't live with my mother. He wouldn't understand. He didn't have his mother taking him into the next room and threatening to pack you up in the middle of the night and ship you out to your biological father who molested you when you were little and you don't even remember. It scared the shit out of me because I had no money, no job, and no way to get out. And I certainly wasn't going to burden my friends. Some of them were much worse off than I was.

So I suppose the moral of the story is "You think you know someone....". It goes both ways.




YOU ARE 70% BOYISH AND 30% GIRLISH

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

HOW YOU ARE IN LOVE

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give and take equally in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?