Emotional Spectrum - Warm Fuzzies to Angerfests

Stuff

2007-02-28T12:09:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Cold As Ice - Scooter

So I've been thinking, and I've made the decision to move my journal over to Livejournal. I use that account more anyway. (mostly for deviantartsnarking, ^^; ) So I'll still be blogging, but just on livejournal.

This is the link: http://ryvensan.livejournal.com/

Moving and stuff ^_^

2007-02-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Under Pressure - Queen

So yesterday Tim told us he's moving out in May. Surprised the hell outta me, but in a good way.

Chris and I had been talking about moving, but were unsure of when it was going to happen because we owe Tim a fair chunk of cash. He didn't think it was right to move out before we had paid him off. But now Tim is moving out, so we can get a place of our own

We've already got a few options, the foremost being the apartment complex that Savvy and David live at, and one or two others in case that plan falls through. I just hope we can barter to get a ground floor apartment, because my dog Joxer is old, and is getting to the point where three flights of stairs would hurt him. The rent there is fairly cheap. It's about $100 more than what we're paying right now, but if we were to move into an apartment, we wouldn't have to worry about paying things like water, sewer and garbage. Our electricity bill would be nearly quartered. Chris makes roughly $600 a paycheck, which comes out to about $1,200 a month. We can live off of that. Not well, mind you, but living is the important part.

We're looking at places in the valley, which is closer to where Chris is working, so driving to work wouldn't he a half hour excursion every morning. Not to mention that there are probably more job opportunities for me out in the valley, just in the vicinity where we plan on living.

I was thinking about it, and maybe I'll have an easier time handling a job when I have a place to come how to that's not populated with other people? I'll have a place to crawl into and hide. Speaking of which, Tim recommended Spokane Mental Health to me, to go get my head checked out. The first visit is free, so that's promising. If I could get counseling, and get something that documents my being terrified of strangers, I think getting a job would be a lot easier. I'd have something documentable, employers wouldn't have to just take my word that there's something wrong with me. I think it'd give me a boost of confidence, and not only that, but I'd be getting over what's wrong with me.

Kirai Sneaky Desu!

2007-02-06T20:25:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Your Dream - DJ Liquid Blue

http://www.wa-doma.org/

Sneaky shit there, Batman. These people fully expect to be shot down. But if they are shot down, that means that the ruling that says it's unconsitutional for gays to be married on the basis of reproduction is bullshit. Read for yourselves. You'll get a good laugh out of it.

Take that, conservative windbags.

Alarmist Paranoid BULLSHIT.

2007-02-04T23:35:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Transylvanian Horses - Alan Sylvestri, Van Helsing Soundtrack

http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp02012007.shtml

I normally don't agree with Mike on many things, but this is one of the things that I do.

This entire ATHF fiasco is complete and utter bullshit. The Boston City Police should just admit they made a fucking mistake. 9 other cities didn't make this mistake. Why? Because they KNEW IT WAS HARMLESS. THEY DID RESEARCH. THEY DIDN'T JUST PUSH THE PANIC BUTTON AND SCRAMBLE THE BOMB SQUAD. Fucking A.

I'm also sick of this "Post 9/11 World" bullshit people throw around to justify their rampant paranoia. Bad shit happened. It was horrible. But we adjust and go about our lives, we don't jump at our own fucking shadows and live our lives in a constant state of fear.

I mean, Jesus H., this is what those terrorist assholes want. They want to instill fear. And we're showing them that they accomplished just that. If we're supposed to be rising above this bullshit, shouldn't we be actually attempting that, instead of playing to the ideas of some paranoid twits who'd rather live their lives barred up in their own houses?

I'm actually ashamed to be associated in any way with this sort of fucking Red Scare bullshit paranoia.

Being alert is one thing. Being alarmist is another.

Gaming and stuff

2007-01-25T12:37:00.000-08:00

Currently listening to: Get To The Gone - Static X

We got started a bit late last night, but it worked out. Brownlee and Lake were surprisingly well-behaved, I expected them to start derailing things, but it wasn't anything too horrible. I was probably just overly-anxious.

Tim was a bit irritating, though. He hadn't shown me his character, or what he had taken feats and spells-wise, before the game started, so everything he was using was a surprise. Especially when he started using spells out of the Ultimate Arcane Spellbook, which is a splat-book, and usually taken with a grain of salt. For a good reason. One of his 1st level spells was Power Word Push, which sounds alright, until you get to the part where the person pushed is subjected to FALL DAMAGE.

That's right. FALL. DAMAGE. As a 1st LEVEL SPELL.

Or the first level spell which gave him an auto-success on any Intelligence based roll with a DC under 30. THIRTY. At 5th LEVEL.

Ugh.

So I told him he can't use any spells from that book until he runs them by me first. He gets all pissy.

"You used spells from that book in my game, though!" Whinge, whinge.

"Yeah," I tell him. "But not without running them by you first. Ever. You know that. This book is a splat-book for good reason. Everything in this book should be run by the DM. There's some ridiculous shit in this thing."

So he brought up the "but you used this book" bullshit a few more times last night, even though I summarily shut down that logic during the first argument. But he kept using that same argument. Jesus Christ.

That, and he takes details I put into the dungeon far too seriously or literally. In the first room between two doors, I threw in some description about how there's some poor carvings of some sort of deities in the marble. One looks like it might be some sort of strength god, the other one is a crudely carved holy symbol of Olidimarra. I figure "Think of some neutral or evil gods and put some carvings and icons in the back for show."

Nobody pays them much mind except Tim. Who, after they go down one corridor and then come back, start studying them more. After a few answers of "They're just carvings and icons. No, they don't detect as magic. They're just magically treated marble," he starts asking about their placement in respect to the two doors. I'm pretty confused, as it's late and the fucking icons don't mean anything. I say "Um, Olidimarra's on the left I guess. They don't really mean anything."

Tim slams his head down on the table.

I'm all "What?!"

He goes on to explain that he thinks there's some significance to their placement to the doors, one being traps and the other being baddies.

I told him for, like, the third time. "No. They don't mean anything. I put them there at the last minute for detail."

Chris is like "You're taking details a bit to literally, dude. She said it's just story-detail."

And gaming with Chad wasn't horrible either, actually. He was just happy to be there, which I'm glad for ^^

So no friction with those I'd expect friction with, but friction with my roomate again. Ugh.

Aawe ^.^;

2007-01-16T15:03:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Taste the Blood- Devil May Cry 3

My husband did the sweetest thing last night. I was listening to "Duct Tape" by Freezepop when he wandered into our room.

I said "This song reminds me of us a bit." He listened to the song, and I pulled up the lyrics, and he said "Yeah, it does." then left the room.

I went back to what I was doing, and he came rushing back into the room with this goofy smile on his face. I was about to ask what the fuck he was doing, when he slapped something on my chest. It was a heart he had cut out of a piece of duct tape. You see, part of the lyrics say "You duct taped my heart back together." Then he put the piece of tape he cut the heart ouf of on his chest and just gave me this melty smile.

The heart resides on my computer tower now. <3

Why is the tough shit always a surprise?

2007-01-05T01:47:00.000-08:00

Curently Listening To: Lover's Waltz- Jay Ungar and Molly Mason

(Heh, ironic, the song Chris and I were supposed to dance to on our wedding, but never got to.)

So here's an update:

I still haven't found a fucking job. It's such a pain in the ass, everywhere I turn my resume in, they just direct me to their website, where my application and ridiculous 33 page Corporate Monkey survey gets filed away with the hundreds of other people that want a job. They tell me not to call, and they tuck my resume in some random crevice behind the customer service counter.

Not very heartening at all. But I've gotta keep trying.

To make matters worse and better at the same time, Chris got a second job. Right away, in fact. Quicker than either of us had expected him to. So now he's working at UPS from 11 pm-3 am, and for Argus Janitorial at the Kaiser Aluminum plant from 6 am to 2 pm. So not only is he working 12 hours a day, and I feel incredibly horrible for the entire thing, but we won't get to see each other at all. especially if I end up getting a job. -_-

On the upside, we'll cut through our debt like nobody's business. He makes $9/hour at UPS, totaling roughly $600 a month, and he makes $8.5/hour at Kaiser, totaling about $1,300 a month, before taxes. So all together, we'll be making nearly $2,000 a month. Which is about what he was making at City Parcel, but without the stupid expenses. And he's going to be quitting UPS here in a few months, after we've at least gotten our wedding rings paid off. On the downside, we'll hardly see each other at all, and I'm still living with Tim. It's going to drive me up a wall being alone with my roomate, and I'm going to be so upset only being with Chris maybe an hour a day, and on about half of the weekend. I'm really dreading this.

-_- Who am I kidding? He'll be making all that money. I've nearly come to believe that I won't be able to find a job. I have nearly no job experience, and I'm too damn afraid of strangers and crowds to work anywhere convinient. I'd like nothing more than to go see a shrink and find out what the fuck is wrong with me, why I get so damn afraid when I'm around new people, and what I can do to make it go away. I feel like I'm putting all of our burden on Chris, and it's really tearing me up inside. I almost feel like I should be punished for it, you know? Like someone should be yelling at me to straighten up. But honestly, that's probably just the little kid in me reacting to a bad situation in a way that I'm familiar.

It seems like no matter how hard I try to improve our situation, I only drive it farther into the ground. Maybe I should just stop trying until I can figure out where I'm fucking up, and how I can fix it. Sometimes I feel really, really damn grateful that Chris married me, because otherwise, I don't know where I'd be, or why he even bothered in the first place. I feel like all I'm doing is continually fucking things up, and making things hard for him. I don't want that at all, I don't even know if that's true, but it's what it feels like to me, more often than I'd like.

Oh wow...

2006-12-31T16:06:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Less Talk More Rokk- Freezepop

http://www.gametrailers.com/umwatcher.php?id=29825

He keeps talking about how Star Wars is fiction, yet he's taking it this seriously. Some people are simply clueless. I think I found a lower low than the hardcore fatbeard StarWars fanatics themselves.

So, so true...

2006-12-19T23:48:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Sehnsucht - Rammstein

http://www.wondermark.com/d/258.html

I feel like this sometimes. Too many women measure their womanhood by a family headcount. I'm glad I'm not pregnant, and I'm glad we're waiting a long, long while. Kids are over-rated.

Circumcision cuts the chance of AIDS by half?

2006-12-17T23:41:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Endless Sky- FF Crystal Chronicles

http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/conditions/12/13/hiv.circumcision.ap/index.html

So apparently being circumcised can cut your chances of catching AIDS by half! It's always been said that being circumsized raises your chances of catching STDs, but perhaps that mentality has changed?

Musical Chairs...?

2006-11-29T03:18:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Boondock Saint's Theme

I found this on another Deviant's journal. It turned out really weird... O.o

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool..

Opening Credits:J-E-N-O-V-A - Nobou Uematsu .... kay.....

Waking Up:War Pigs- Black Sabbath... What the hell....

First Day At SchoolCheatin' On the Church- Graveyard BBQ ...

Making Your New Best Friend:Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve ...

Falling In Love:Sehnsucht- Rammstein .... I'm sure this will end badly... I'll have to ask Chris what the translation of this song is... (We looked it up... it means Longing O.o )

Breaking Up:Devil's Dance Floor- Flogging Molly ...mkay...

Prom:Stone King Golem- Michiru Yamane .... *laughs* What the fuck?!

Graduation:Water of Life- FF Crystal Chronicles.....

Life's Okay:Crazy- Bride of Chucky Soundtrack (remake of Patsy Cline)

Death of a Close Friend:Violet- Hole :LMAO: My friends don't suck on shotgun barrels, Courtney Love!

Mental Breakdown:I Can't Remember- Alice in Chains ... Appropriate!

Driving:Ace of Spades- Motorhead ... Also somewhat appropriate!

Flashback:War Ensemble- Slayer ... Partially Appropriate!

Getting Back Together:Stop- Jane's Addiction .... *laughs* Kind of scary, I did have an on again, off again relationship once...

Birth of Child:Roll The Bones- Rush ... "Why are we here?/Because we're here, roll the bones!/Why does it happen?/Because it happens, roll the bones". Apparently my kid will be a product of Chris and I having a threesome with Lady Luck (This is a great song, I suggest listening to it! Just ignore the stupid hip-hop thingie at the end...)

Wedding SceneMonster's Dance: Rondo- FF Crystal Chronicles

Car Accident:Psychobilly Freakout- The Reverend Horton Heat .... I suppose I'll be run over by some sort of drunken hillbilly schizo....

Final Battle:Hey You- Pink Floyd... my final battle's gonna suck...

Death Scene:Test for Echo- Rush ... apparently my death will be a nationally televised court circus...

Funeral Song:Endless Sky - FF Crystal Chronicles... pretty appropriate. I suggest you look up the lyrics to the song.

End Credits:Boondock Saint's Theme .... *LAUGHS* Appropriate!!

It's trying really hard to snow...

2006-11-28T15:12:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Endless Sky- FF Crystal Chronicles

..but there aren't enough clouds. Dammit, sometimes I hate living in a valley like this. When it's cold, the sky is clear. When it's warm it's cloudy, so we most often get rain. I miss snowy winters, when it's cold and white outside, and snowflakes are falling aimlessly toward the ground, and you're all wrapped up inside with a good book. All we have now is this half-assed 40-50 degree California-esque bullshit.

I'm getting pretty irritated lately. I think I have that grating-roomate feeling, as in I'm getting sick of our roomate. I'm married, I wanna live in a place with just Chris and me, I wanna make our own home. Of course, that requires a job, and I realize that it'll probably take a while. But nevertheless, I can feel the stirrings of a a restless, unhappy heart.

My roomate keeps trying to pressure me into getting my license. I'll get my fucking license when I'm good and ready, not because he's hurrying me through it for his own convenience. I didn't let mom do that to me, and I'm not letting him do it, either. If he's so bitchy about Chris using his car, then bitch at Chris about it. Our car is shit. We're trying to get that remedied. Chris has other people to give him a ride to work. But I'm not going to hurry through getting my license when I don't feel I'm fucking ready. So fucking deal. Leave me the FUCK ALONE.

Also, another questionaire thingie. This one looked cool.

Name your favourite singer/band/musician and answer the questions only with a song of them.

- Your favourite singer/band is?
Rush

- Are you male or female?
Witch Hunt (Closest thing I could find to "female")

- Describe yourself:
I believe in "Freewill"

- How do you feel?
like "Nobody's Hero"

- How are you concerning love?
I am "The Seeker"

- How is your relationship to your boyfriend/girlfriend?
It's "Second Nature"

- How is your life?
I often "Stick it Out"

- Where do you want to be at the moment?
"YYZ" - It snows in Toronto -_-

- What do you wish for?
Good times for "Making Memories"

- Write a quote or a phrase you know: (Is this supposed to be from the song?)
"I will choose a path that's clear/I will choose Freewill"

- Now say goodbye:
As I leave, I "Take a Friend"

Tattooed, Bitches!

2006-11-21T03:29:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Laid to Rest- Lamb of God

I finally had my tattoo done on Wednesday ^_^ IT HURT LIKE A BITCH. I cried like a baby. Seriously, I even drooled on the chair I had to sit in backwards. I'm not ashamed to say so, because it fucking HURT, and I know why people like to get drunk before they get these now!
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/43406550/ <---This is what it looks like ^_^

One More Thing!

2006-11-15T01:19:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: Tom Sawyer - Rush

Yes, yes, I know these are probably widely circulated, but I still think they're funny.

Things Women Say When Stressed at Work

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.

2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

3. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.

4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?

5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.

6. Do I look like a people person?

7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

8. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?

11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.

16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.

17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.

18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.

19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.

22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?

24. Earth is full. Go home.

25. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.

29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

And On to Other Things...

2006-11-15T01:06:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: The Weapon - Rush

((PS: On the last entry, I said that I was afraid of snakes. That was a typo. I typed that for... whatever reason, I don't know why. I meant to type "Spiders, strangers, small places and crowds"))

Still looking for a job. Blech. But Chris is going to apply for a job in Post Falls, where a friend of ours works. According to our friend, he'll be making 10 bucks an hour, full time, with benefits. Compared to Chris' current 9 bucks and hour, 4 hours a day, that'll be awesome ^_^ Christmas might not suck after all.

So he's going to apply there tomorrow. If he gets a job there, he'll work there for a few weeks, then give me the lowdown on how conditions are there. He'd know if it's something that I could deal with, physically and all. I'm pretty strong for a chick, but I have my limits, which is one of the reasons I didn't persue the job at UPS. Anyway, if he thinks it's something I can handle, he'll let me know, reccommend me, and then I'll apply there. If not, I'll continue to persue trying to get hired on at Starbucks.

So this all lifted my spirits a bit. I was so depressed. I had been job hunting, and I felt useless. I get this crushing, panicking feeling whenever I try and talk to someone new, or someone in authority. And I know it's more than just being shy. It's almost as though I feel my "fight or flight" instinct kick in. I just freeze, my heart starts beating really fast, I get sweaty, my mind races. And because of this, it's made it difficult to look for a job, and to follow up on leads. I try and force myself to, and I come home feeling like I want to just break down and cry. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think I need help.

My eyes have been bothering me too. It's gross. I think I might have an infection in them. I need to go to the doctor, but we can't afford it. Pisses me right off.

I get my tattoo tomorrow! I'm excited, but nervous at the same time. I hope it doesn't hurt >.<

'Nother survey, I got bored.

2006-11-15T00:58:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening To: The Enemy Within - Rush

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Vicky Walter
Birthday:	12/13/82
Birthplace:	Fairchild AFB
Current Location:	Spokane, Washington
Eye Color:	Blue
Hair Color:	Blonde
Height:	5-4
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right Handed
Your Heritage:	deep breath In order from most to least: Lithuanian/Polish, Russian, German, French, Dutch/Norwegian, Irish, English. Heinz 57, yo.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	My blue and brown hiking shoes with the hole in the side
Your Weakness:	Define weakness....? I'm not a videogame character L
Your Fears:	Spiders, snakes, small places, strangers
Your Perfect Pizza:	Pepperoni, extra cheese, Pizza Hut pan, light on the sauce
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Pay off personal debts, start working toward getting a house of our own
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"It's ridiculous."
Thoughts First Waking Up:	*"groan* Bathroom... must pee... crap, what do I have to do today?"**
Your Best Physical Feature:	I've been told it's my eyes. Chris likes my butt and my smile, though. ^^;
Your Bedtime:	Whenever I get tired, depending on when I have to be up the next morning.
Your Most Missed Memory:	Marching band. sigh
Pepsi or Coke:	Either, depending on my mood.
MacDonalds or Burger King:	McD's.
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton!
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate ^^
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Either.
Do you Smoke:	Fuck no.
Do you Swear:	Fuck yes.
Do you Sing:	To myself, yuppers.
Do you Shower Daily:	Every other day. Otherwise, my skin dries out like crazy.
Have you Been in Love:	I'm still in love.
Do you want to go to College:	Absolutely. Though I'm conflicted on my majors. Music still interests me greatly, but I'm also interested in cake-decorating. Wierd, huh?
Do you want to get Married:	I'm already married. ^__^
Do you belive in yourself:	I try to. It doesn't always work. We always fail ourselves now and again.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Rarely
Do you think you are Attractive:	Not really. But then again, I don't have a high opinion of my own looks, according to other people.
Are you a Health Freak:	Pfft. No.
Do you get along with your Parents:	I get along with Dad. I get along with Mom now that we don't live together.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	I love them. (It's so wierd... this question is on EVERY survey...)
Do you play an Instrument:	B flat clarinet. I played euphonium briefly in highschool.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Yup yup. It was fucking great.
In the past month have you Smoked:	God no. I like my lungs.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Do sleep aids count? I'm a huge insomniac.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	We're too broke to go on a date L
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	To look for a job, yes.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	Nopers. I don't think I could go through an entire box of Oreos by myself. They're a bit too rich for me L
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Man, I wish! Sushi sounds really good 'bout now...
In the past month have you been on Stage:	I wish, again. -.- I miss band a lot.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Nope. Married, no dah.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	Nopers. I've never been skinny dipping. I want to, though ^^
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Nopers.
Ever been Drunk:	For all the drinking I've done, I've never been drunk. I've only been slightly buzzed, and I didn't like the feeling. I'd rather be the cognizent one.
Ever been called a Tease:	Only during sex. Not that you people needed to know that. ^_~
Ever been Beaten up:	Several times, in elementary school, a few times in middle school. By the time I was in highschool, I had fought back enough and put on enough muscle that they left me alone.
Ever Shoplifted:	Nopers.
How do you want to Die:	I'm not sure, to be honest. It's not something I think about often.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Secure
What country would you most like to Visit:	I have a few, but they're all equal. Japan, Ireland, France, Holland...
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	Whatever looks good on them, honestly. My husband's eyes are this cool shade of hazel. They're green on the inside, and grey on the outside, with brown spots in the green.
Favourite Hair Color:	I'm partial to blonde or brunette.
Short or Long Hair:	Whatever looks good on a guy.
Height:	Tall
Weight:	Whatever looks good on the guy.
Best Clothing Style:	Stylish. I like the look of well-put together casual or punk, but I also like the look of a snazzy suit.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Nil.
Number of CDs I own:	Lots. I don't know how many L
Number of Piercings:	2 in each ear
Number of Tattoos:	1, on the small of my back.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	More than a few.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!??!?

2006-10-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Garden- Pearl Jam

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBtpyeLxVkI

It's over NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!

Funny shit.

Oh For The Love...!

2006-10-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Palace of Dark Waterfalls- Michiru Yamane

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061018/ap_on_fe_st/playground_tag_ban

This is fucking retarded. Apparently teachers and teachers' aids are too fucking paranoid and lazy to actually watch what kids are doing, and thusly need to ban childhood staples. Parents are also to blame, because they're the greedy fuckers suing the school districts for run-of-the-mill childhood injuries.

It's a sad time we're living in. Personal responsibility is no longer in the vocabulary of most people. It makes me sad to think the people having kids are in my generation.

Survey 'n' Stuff

2006-10-18T02:18:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Heart Full of Black- Burning Brides

("I made a promise by the side of the road.... I'm gonna bury this goddamn halo..." I love this song.)

-Are you happy with your given name?

Pretty much. I didn't like it when I was younger, but I grew to like it.

-What is your guaranteed weeping movie?

What Dreams May Come

-What is the one thing you like to do alone?

Read. It's hard to read when there are other people in the room. Generally, they try and talk to you.

-What's a major fear of yours?

Strangers, crowds, spiders and small spaces

-Are you a pyromaniac?

Kinda, but only with lighters and candles.

-Do you know anyone famous?

Bruce Campbell wished Chris and me a happy marriage via video, but that's the closest I've come to knowing a celebrity.

-Describe your bed

It's a waterbed, queen size. Light blue sheets with yellow moons, suns and stars on it. The bedspread is dark blue with gold moons, suns and stars on it. There's a canopy that hangs from the cieling over the head of our bed, which is also blue with moons and stars on it.

-What type of character would you play in a movie?

The geek or the badass chick.

-What do you carry with you at all times?

Lip Balm, pocket knife, wallet, hair tie, engagement ring, wedding ring. If we're talking about my backpack, though.... *clears throat* Drawing pad, writing pad, metal clipboard, a pocket full of pens and pencils, bandaids, Midol, antacids, Ibuprophen, Excedrine Migraine, a spoon and fork, brush, tampons, batteries, saftey pins, bag full of gaming dice and other random junk that happens to appear in my backpack.

-How do you eat an apple?

I take a bite out of the side, in the middle, and work my way around. Then I work my way up toward the stem, then down toward the little crinkly bits.

-Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?

Generally blend in. I don't like strangers coming up to me and talking to me.

-What kind of first impression do you think you give people?

Quiet but opinionated. Probably bitchy to those who get on my bad side.

-Favorite communication method?

Email

-What is your hidden talent?

I can make boxed dinners tolerable by adding my own things to it.

-Do you own a Bible?

Nopers.

-Do you have a problem changing clothes in front of friends?

Depends on the friends. Most of my friends are dudes.

-What should you be doing instead of this?

Nothing really. I can't really look for a job at 2:30 in the morning.

-Who was the last person who called you?

My mom, to see where my brother was at.

-Are you ready?

To rock?

-What is the last gift you gave someone?

I don't remember. I think it might have been the a birthday present. I don't have a lot of money to give gifts.

-Does everything happen for a reason?

Mostly. Karma works in wierd ways.

-What is your biggest headache lately?

Lack of funds. And our DAMNED CAR.

-What color is your bedroom?

The walls are white, and the carpet is beige. But I have lots of pictures and posters up to try and cover up the boring.

-Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?

Contrary to popular opinion, yes.

-Have you ever pierced your own body part or that of someone else?

God no.

-What kind of watch do you wear?

A white one with a FREAKY bright LCD light in it. Seriously. It puts some headlights to shame. It's really cool.

-What's one car you will never buy? (why?)

A Hummer of any brand, style or make. They're fucking ridiculous and wasteful. Nobody needs anything that big. If you're driving a Hummer, you'd better have a fucking anti-aircraft gun on the back of that bastard, to justify the gas you're wasting.

-Do you cry in front of your friends?

I try not to, but in the last few years, I have a lot more than I'd like.

-Would you die to save the life of someone you dearly love?

I'd like to think I would. But one rarely knows what one would do in those situations until it actually happens.

-Do you have any married friends?

Yupyup.

-Do you like thunderstorms?

Does a bear shit in the Pope's hat? (That's a yes.)

-What was your first job?

Working a jewelry kiosk at the mall. Shittiest. Job. Ever.

-What was the last thing you typed before this survey?

Something on the devART forums, methinks.

-Favorite word lately?

Twilight

-What's the strangest thing that's happened to you in the past week?

I went to Starbucks to apply, and they were having a full blown job fair.

-You have a crush, don't you?

Besides my husband...? -_- Yes, but just a fangirly one....

-Who?

Jirad, from the book I'm writing. He's my husband's character. Sexy gunslinger. Yum.

-What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?

Playing with whatever is at my fingertips. This includes pens, hems of clothing, ect.

-Do you talk a lot?

Not really. I'm the quiet one in most conversations.

-What do you typically order at a bar?

Rum and Coke, or a Midori Sour. If they have a blender, I order a Pina Colada.

-Name one trait you hate in a person

Elitism. Arrogance. Generally anything that makes them think they're better than other people, and makes them act upon it.

-Favorite writing utensil?

Mechanical pencils, or a fine tipped gel pen.

-What's one thing you're a loser at?

Dancing. I'm too white to dance.

-When's the last time you made someone cry?

My husband, but that was a while ago. We had gotten into a fight about -shit, I can't even remember what it was.

-Do you like the rain?

Yeah. It's nice to walk in, to listen to, to smell and watch.

-Who was the last person you talked to in person?

My roommate Tim.

-What are your plans for the weekend?

Chris is running his D&D game on Saturday. Maybe I'll write something on Sunday.

-How much money would it take for you to give up the internet for a year?

2 million dollars. Not being on the internet means not applying for jobs.

-Where's your ideal marriage location?

In a wooded park, with lots of trees and rock formations. Ideally, I'd like to be married (again ^^) in Cliff Park. But we settled for my grandmother's house.

-What do you cook the best?

Chicken, sauteed mushrooms...

-Kind of books do you like to read?

Whatever grabs my fancy, and whatever isn't foisted in my face, with people screaming "YOU HAVE TO READ THIS LOLZ!!"

-If you win the lottery, what would you like to do?

It would really depend on how much we got. If we got something in the 10 million area, that means we'd get about 4 million after taxes. But we'd buy a car and a house, pay off our wedding rings and pay Tim back. We'd give our parents a chunk of money, and give our friends a small amount, ideally. Then we'd put most of what remains in a high-yielding savings account, and live off of the interest.

-If you don't like a person, how do you show it?

I try and ignore them.

-What are you listening to?

I was listening to "Heart Full of Black" but my playlist has moved on to "Heut Ist Mein Tag" by Blumchen

-What was the last thing you laughed at?

The thread in the Complaints forum about using "retarded" as an insult. Funny shit.

-What do you wish you were doing right now?

Snuggling with my husband and watching a movie. But he's at work. *sigh*

-What musical instrument do you wish you could play?

The trombone. I've always wanted to play the trombone. I wanted to play the trombone when I first joined band, but my mother wouldn't let me, because she said "it was too loud." Grr.

-What's the funniest experience you ever had at your job?

I was sweeping theatres, singing along with the music at the end of the credits, and my manager snuck up behind me and scared the BeJeezes out of me. I screamed, and nearly took his head off with my broom. I've never seen a guy that pale turn that red with laughter.

-If you could speak any language, which language would you speak?

Latin would be cool. We didn't have a latin class in highschool.

Who'd Have Thought I'd Enjoy Being a Barista...

2006-10-10T23:21:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Shot in the Dark- Ozzy Osborne

So this morning we went out to job hunt. I had an idea where I wanted to look, but Chris put off getting a paper, and didn't have any idea where he wanted to start. That aside, he dropped me off out in front of the Starbucks by Safeway while he went to go gas up the car.

Turns out there was a job fair being set up, and I had arrived a bit early for it. This was a pleasant suprise to me, so I grabbed an application, rushed home to fill it out with phone numbers and addresses, and then turned it in with my application. I was one of the first people being interviewed, and the interview went quite well, from my observation. They seemed impressed by my misadventures at Regal in their tiny Cafe.

On a geekier note, they asked me what "legendary service" meant to me. Mentally, I was thinking of something along the lines of an extra 8 CR, with hit die, bolstered ability scores and all that, but obviously that was the wrong answer ^_~

I'm really hoping I get hired on there. I didn't narrow down my avaliability on the application, but I hopefully narrow it down a bit if I get called in for a second interview. It'll suck for gaming, but money and paying the bills is far more important at the moment. The atmosphere is really nice, the dress code is casual, and all I have to do is clean and make coffee. Unlike at Regal, where I had to make coffee, serve popcorn and pop, juice, hotdogs I didn't even have back behind the counter, and preztels. Do you know how hard it is to make an expresso while simultaneously trying to bag popcorn and pour cola? I'm going to be glad for the change if I get hired.

G'bye, money! See you never again!

2006-10-09T05:38:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Fight Fire with Fire-Metallica

So for our wedding, we got a pretty big chunk of money. And it was gone before we knew it. Starting out on your own sucks ass. Money's very tight at the moment. Chris had an umbilecal hernia, and had to miss some days at work. He's still trying to figure out if he gets worker's comp from it, because he was well within the restrictions of things to lift. So anyway, the meager money he was making is now slowed to a tiny trickle.

We sat down the other night and figured out what we could do to cut expenses until we came into more money, and we figured out that the only thing we could really cut out is cable. We need internet for job applications, we obviously need electicity and water. We'll buy more food that we can prepare and eat off of for a few days at a time, like stew and soup. I'm going out to look for a job on Tuesday, and so is Chris. He decided that until he can get seniority at his job, he needs a second part time job to keep up. We have a lot of bills to pay, and we really need to get cracking on them.

Because of this, though, it means we have to go and give a kitty to the Humane Society. I found this cute cat about a week before Chris and I got married. He's gray and white with yellow eyes, and he's the sweetest cat I've ever met. I seriously think it's the first cat I've actually grown to love. Anyway, I found him while I was out on a walk a few weeks ago. He crossed the street toward me as I was walking home, and I bent down to pet him. When I did so, he mewed and jumped up on my shoulder, and made himself comfy. Since then, he's been living on our front porch, and I've been feeding him, letting him in the house now and again, treating him for fleas, all of that happy horse-shit. But he looks as though he's gotten in a fight, because he has this bloody gash on the side of hise face. We can't afford to take him to the vet and have the vet treat him, so we have to give him to the Human Society so they can take care of him, and hope that he isn't euthanised. But he's a sweet kitty, so he should get adopted out easily. I'm going to see if we can somehow ensure that he gets put into the adoption program they have going with Petsmart tomorrow when we take him in.

So yeah. Being broke sucks. But it'll get better.

I thought this was funny as shit.

2006-10-03T00:19:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Push It- Static X

I found this on the dA forum and thought it was funny as hell. It pretty much encompasses what I think about the whole homosexual thing with Christianity. If you're gonna preach one, then preach them all. No fair picking and choosing, depending on who you hate this year.

Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Law and how to follow them.

1.. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2.The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligatedto kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two differentcrops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends tocurse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D.Professor Emeritus
Dept. of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia .

Wedding Pictures!

2006-09-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Hazy Shade of Winter- Simon and Garfunkle

PICTURES! These are pictures my dad took. Our photographer hasn't gotten the pictures we paid for developed yet. ^_^

I painted this topper myself. It took about 1-2 weeks with model paint ^^

This cake was supposed to have calla lillies on it, but the bakery spaced them. I think it turned out nice anyway ^^

From Left to Right: Cassie, Carly, Laura, Ashlynn, Billie Jo (my sister), Me, Chris, Chad (Chris' Brother), David, Lee (My brother), Tim (my roommate), and Rob.

Me signing the marriage certificate. That's what my ring looks like ^_^

This is what Chris' ring looks like ^^

More later!

~Jittery~

2006-09-15T05:48:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Canon in D- Pachelbel

Two more days till I'm married. I'm so damn nervous. And tired. I am SO fucking done with decision-making for a while *L* I feel like I've planned this mostly by myself. I was hoping I'd get a break once in a while, but eh, shit happens.

Not really much to write. I've gotten most of the things done and paid for. Now, I wait. And sleep. Sleeping is good. Yesh.

And Chris finally got his vows written, yay!

Speaking of Tool....

2006-09-05T03:45:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Schism- Tool

I thought of a cool analogy the other day while I was in the shower in regards to religion and pushing it on people.

Imagine yourself fixing something. It doesn't matter what it is you're fixing, but imagine you're fixing something. And you've found the right tool for the job. Say it's a monkey-wrench. You love your monkey-wrench, it seems to fix everything. It's the best all purpose tool ever.

Then someone else comes along, looking over your shoulder.

"Hey," they say, somewhat interested in what you're doing. "You know, a screwdriver would work better for that."

"Naw," You say. "I like my monkey-wrench better. I'm quite comfortable with it."

"But clearly a screwdriver is a better choice."

"No, my monkey-wrench is working just fine."

"You're clearly mistaken, because a screwdriver is the best choice. Have you heard the word of the Screwdriver?"

Hehe, the last part was just to be funny, but the lesson is still the same. Someone bugging me about their religion feels like that, at least to me. I've got something that works just fine, and people are poking me in the back of the head, saying "My way is better, my way is superior, you're stupid and wrong for not believe the same way I believe."

I respect other religions, I really do. IF they respect me. And others, really. I'm usually ready to get beligerant all over their pious asses if they decide that their faith means they can trample over someone else's rights.

I Really Have To Get Off Of Chris' Sleep Schedule...

2006-09-05T03:23:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: 46 and 2- Tool

I noticed something the other day. Tool's music is becoming more and more ambient. I was driving to the valley the other day, and it was Double-Shot-Thursday. Two Tool songs played on the radio, and I didn't even notice that one song had ended and the other had started. They sounded that much alike. I mean, the music is still good, but I'm not sure if I like it better than the first two albums.

Meh.

Less than two weeks until my wedding. Butterflies in my tummy are multiplying. I've gotten the tossing bouquet made, all the bouteniers made, the guestbook decorated, the tossing garter decorated, my regular garter decorated, and a bridesmaid's bouquet put together. I need to go and get the rest of the silk flowers to finish the rest of the floral things, but most of the detail work is done.

Mom actually brought up a good point the other day. I was talking about how I wanted there to be some form of booze at the reception, because, well, booze is nice. Mom says "You've already paid for enough of this out of your own pocket. If people want booze, tell them to bring their own, and be prepared to share. Booze is very expensive."

For once, she's right. If people want booze, they can bring their own. We're gonna be broke as it is.

The wedding is shaping up to be decidedly less piratey than I had planned it. A themed wedding was definitely going to be more expensive, so it looks like it's going to be more or less mundane. Which, in the long run, really isn't all that important. The important part is that we get married, and we have a good time. Besides, there's always anniversaries ^_~

Chris' father called the other day. He was trying to coerce Chris into letting him bring his artificial loin-spawn to the wedding, when we had expressly written on the RSVP cards that we would appreciate it if parents left their small children at home with sitters. They're noisy, distracting, and little kids hate things like weddings. They get bored as hell, and they start getting into trouble. Not to mention Grampa's got this fishpond in the back that he's really picky about. He bellows at his own grandchildren if they start messing with. I don't want anyone else's kid(s) to set Grampa off and possibly fuck up his pond.

This normally wouldn't be such a big deal if it weren't for the underlying drama with Chris, his dad and his mom, and this new adopted kid.

Now don't get me wrong, it's great that he adopted a kid. It's great that he adopted a baby from China. But generally, you pay attention to the kids you already have. He all but ignored Chris and paid a smidge more attention to Chad after Chris' mom divorced him. And now he's gone and adopted a little girl with "the other woman", and expects everyone to be hunky-dory.

"Look Chris! It's your artificial younger sister! I just adopted her! I actually felt like being a dad, so instead of getting in contact with my biological sons, I just bought a new one!"

Chris' mother is understandably pissed. Chris was uncomfortable at first, but has since gotten over it. It still leaves a bad taste in his mouth, though.

The point is, our wedding is not the time for him to parade his artificial loin-spawn to other family members. This is our day. We don't want small children there. He can pick a day where we go to dinner to introduce us to his new girl. But our wedding is not the day to do it, and he should know better. So in a few days, Chris is gonna call him and tell him no again, and to get a babysitter. It's best to avoid this on our special day.

3 Weeks and Counting...

2006-08-29T02:31:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Best of You- Foo Fighters

Holy shit, I've got less than a month until I'm married! It dawns on me more and more, and my butterflies multiply in my stomach. I'm so damn excited, I can barely stand it!

Ugh. My gramma went me an email, asking where my aunt's invitation was, because she hadn't gotten it yet. Like I fucking know where it goes after I stick it in the mailbox, I sent them a week ago. Jesus Christ, I wish she'd calm down. I sent the fucking invitation. If worse comes to worse, I'll send another one. But what should I expect from a woman who expects a personal invitation to a family birthday party? -_-

"I didn't come to your birthday party because I wasn't invited personally." Bah. Lady, it's a birthday party for family members. You're a family member, you're invited. You don't get a gold plated invitation to give me 10 bucks in a card and share some hastily made, store-bought birthday cake from Safeway. Honestly, get a clue.

I've almost finished painting my cake topper ^_^ I need to do some detail work on it, but that won't take very long at all. I messed up on the couple's eyes. But I bought another tiny brush, so things should be remedied shortly.

My hormones are so fucking wierd. One week, motherhood seems like the most natural and wonderful thing in the world. The next, it seems like the worst thing that could ever befall me. Chris and I have been talking about having a spawnling eventually, but even "eventually" sounds like too soon sometimes. I dunno, I guess we'll see when "eventually" arrives. But right now, ugh. The last thing I want is some little pooping, drooling disembodied parasite latched onto my hip, screaming and aggravating my migrane. I'm so damn thankful for birth control.

Speaking of which, I've gotta go back and see what my options are for Take Charge. It expires this September, and I need to go in and see if I can renew it, and see if my being married effects it or not, and if so, whether or not my fiance-husband-to-be's insurance will cover it. Married or not, I will not end up pregnant before I'm ready. Not falling into that trap, thank you. I enjoy my independance far too much.

Oh ugh. It's almost time for my annual too. Fucking pap-smear. Fucking metal fucking brush fucking scraping the inside of my uterus. Creeps me out, I hate doctor visits.

Finally Driving Again! And Other Things.

2006-08-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Green Eyed Lady- Sugarloaf

YAY! I got my permit about 2 weeks ago, and I've been driving nearly nonstop since then. My room mate and I have a deal going. When he has logistics runs that take him out of town, I go with him, and drive back into Spokane for him, and we split the paycheck. I've been on about 3 or 4 thus far, and it's been pretty cool. I'm driving back from Missoula, Montana tomorrow, so that'll be a fun 4 hour drive. It's been awesome, it's like hopping on a bike, I just needed some practice to remember ^_^

I got the alterations on my wedding dress today. The dress was tight when I tried it on, so they let out some of the seams, and then took the train and made a convertible bustle out of it, which looks beautiful. It gives the dress a very old-fashioned look to it, and it'll make the dance Chris and I have to do a lot easier.

There's been an influx of threads about child molestation on the dA forums. It's kinda disturbing, and it's bothered me for the last few days. I got really upset the other day, because of the comments people were throwing at me. It bothers me that there are so many people willing to defend paedophiles, who are basically willing to pat them on the head and tell them it's okay. They say that "children are sexual", and that "paedophilia is a perfectly natural fetish." Which is complete and utter bullshit.

These people just don't understand that this is a cause that really shouldn't be championed. It's one of those fetishes that hurt other people. My personal belief is that a fetish is alright, you know, whatever floats your boat. As long as the persons involved are consenting and fine with it, and it doesn't hurt anyone, then it's really none of my business. But fetishes like paedophilia, bestiality, snuff, auto-erotic-asphyxiation, and others like it, are really dangerous, and should be taken care of. Everyone involved isn't having fun, didn't consent or can't consent, and hurts people. There's a line to be drawn, folks. I personally don't have any idea of how to help these people outside of therapy, seeing as I'm not a doctor, but there's gotta be a doctor out there that's got an idea or two.

It really bugs me when they try and compare paedophilia to homosexuality too. They try and compare the "oppression" that we're doling out to paedophiles to the oppression that's handed out to homosexuals.

Um, no. Here's why: With homosexuals, they're attracted to people of the same gender. Their partners are consensual, they don't hurt anyone, and the only reason it's considered "wrong" is because the Judaeo-Christian-Muslim holy books says it's wrong. Paedophilia is wrong because they want to have sex with children, who aren't sexually developed, and really have no idea what they're consenting to, or how it will mess them up in the future.

That's a pretty big fundamental difference.

But one of the people I was arguing with apologized. The argument between her and I got pretty heated, 'cause we're both stubborn. I don't think child porn of any kind should be allowed for paedos to wank to, digital, drawn or otherwise, and this person believes that if it's drawn porn, then no one's getting hurt.

Anyway, we argued, said some pretty nasty things. I explained with a better leveled head in another thread, and she read it and apologized, and I apologized, and we agreed to disagree. I'm glad that turned out alright in the end. I hate arguing, but there are some things that I morally have to object to.

I fucking hate being called closed minded because I'm rallying against something that's hurt me and others. But I guess it's popular now to play the Devil's Advocate.

A word to the wise, people: Just because you can argue for something, doesn't mean you should. If it's something that has good roots in why it's bad, then don't champion it. You make yourself look like an idiot and an asshole.

PIRATING A GO GO

2006-08-03T01:16:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Hollarback Girl- Gwen Stefani

The thing itself was offcentered when it was made, so eh, can't do much for it. Highlight it and then read.

My pirate name is:

Iron Morgan Kidd

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Driving and All That Fun Stuff!

2006-07-29T01:55:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Boulevard of Broken Dreams- Greenday

After taking my test twice, I got my permit! Hurray! I haven't had my permit since I was in highschool, and after I've gotten enough practice, I'm gonna try for my license. We figure now's the time to do it, at least if we can't afford insurance, it'll look good when I finally get some if I have X amount of time having my license, even if I'm not driving.

The first time I took my test, I failed by 1 question. The bastard test is random, so I kept getting, get this BICYCLE SAFETY QUESTIONS of all things. Not "What do you do if you encounter a bike in your car" questions. Fucking "How to ride a bike safely" questions. I'm not testing for my bike license. I'm testing for my DRIVER'S LICENSE. That, and they kept asking questions about the current DUI laws. Like how much jail time you get for X offense. Like it fucking matters! First of all, you shouldn't be driving while drinking, you fucktwits, and second of all, I really don't think me knowing the exact amount of jail time I'll be spending really matters.

Grr. I failed with a 70%. BUT.... that's without reading the manual and not driving in, like, 5 years. Booya. So I go home and study a little.

But the second test was more reasonable. Passed it, only missing 2 questions. 95% or something like that. Piece of cake.

So now I'm driving. Hurray! I drove a little on Wednesday, and I drove all the way back from Kennewick tonight. (That's 'round 'bout 150 miles or so.) No sweat. So I'm pretty stoked. It feels good to drive again.

Tim offered to let me drive for him on the way back from his long trips, and he'd pay half. I agreed, 'cause I need the practice, and this is a good way to take chunks out of our debt to him. I told him that unless I say otherwise, don't even bother giving me cash, just subtract that amount from the debt we owe him. This way, we should have him payed back in no time.

We went and bought our wedding rings today, yata! I'm all excited! God, it's only a month and a half until we get married! I'm starting to get butterflies thinking about. All jittery and whatnot.

I really have to start writing my vows. O.O

I'm beginning to think that I may have to phase out my flowergirl, though. Brian moved out from Shawn's house, and I dunno if he's still doped up on painkillers because of his crushed hand. I have to call and figure things out, but I'm pretty sure that the flower girl is a bust. Which doesn't bother me all that much. We can function without one just fine ^__^

-Insert Spiffy Title Here, K?-

2006-07-25T01:38:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: This Is Not- Static-X

Ugh. I'm pretty tired. TIRED OF THE HEAT. IT'S BEEN A-HUNDRED-AND-FUCKING-SEVEN DEGREES FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS. And it's gonna last for the rest of the week. This is fucking Arizona weather, not Washington weather. This is bullshit. Blech. I fucking hate the heat. It makes me nauseous. I can't wait for fall and winter to arrive. Maybe then I won't friggin' marinate in my own sweat. It's fucking gross.

And it makes me grumpy. In case you couldn't tell. -.-

Bleh, I suppose it could be worse. The NorthWest News Channel said that Hanford was predicted to get up to 113 degrees yesterday. Which means you add about 5-8 degrees to that, and you've got the real temperature.

I want rain! Please! Pretty please!

In other news, I helped Carly bug bomb her new place. Apparently the people who had the house before her owned a dog with fleas, so she's trying to get rid of them before she brings her dogs into the new place. I wandered around the yard and went all gung-ho with the Wasp and Yellow Jacket Killer again, as they've been trying to build new nests. I think Carly and Michael will probably end up getting an exterminator.

Tomorrow I'm going to go and get my driver's permit! Yay! I hope I can get a job to pay for my insurance before I can get my license! Otherwise, I dunno what I'm going to do. But at least I'll have something that'll allow me to drive, and I haven't driven in long time. It'll be nice to do so again.

Today Was Rather Eventful

2006-07-19T21:41:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Yesterday- Beatles

Petco has yet to unfuck my application, and it appears that the manager at Petco was blowing smoke up my ass. He told me that no experience was necessary, but told Carly that I didn't have experience, and he doesn't even know why I'm applying. So I'll probably end up looking for other jobs elsewhere. The Hallmark store is highering, and so is Blockbuster, but I'm kind of hestitant. I should try and find a job that pays a bit higher than minimum wage if Chris is only working part time. I'm conflicted, and don't really know where to start. So that's going tenatively.

My sister called me this morning, and we made plans to go out next Saturday. I had commented this past Saturday about how I'd like to get a tattoo, but I lack the funds to do so, saving for the wedding, and budgeting our money and all. So she decided that my wedding/bachelorette/birthday/Christmas present was going to be a tattoo that she'll pay for when she saves the money up. I'm excited, but also nervous, because I'm not sure how much it'll actually hurt. But I've gotta find some cool tattoo art. I think I'm gonna get it across the small of my back, and probably of a compass rose.

I accompanied Carly today to help her find a house. She apparently had 5 weeks to move out and find a new place, because her mom found someone who wanted to take the house. Carly commented on how it was probably a good thing that there was such a hard push to get out, so that they'd actually be motivated to find a new place.

And we found her a new place today. It has a huge backyard for her dogs, and the house isn't bad either. It's smaller and more managable than her mom's house, so I think they'll have an easier time keeping that house up. And the backyard is bigger, so her dogs will have a better time running around the entire yard. I'm going with her tomorrow to help her remember how to get to the place, so she can give the landlord first month's rent and the damage deposite. If she gets the deposit to him tomorrow, she won't have to pay any rent for July, which is pretty cool. I'm also going to bring the bug killer tomorrow, because she's got a nasty wasp's nest developing in one of the outside corners of her windows, and she's allergic. I'm not, so I'll nuke the little bastards.

I'm a little more than a bit worried about our wedding rings, and their cost, seeing as Chris' last day with City Parcel is Friday, and we have to buy and start making payments on the rings in August. I am seriously afraid we won't be able to afford it, and I've mentioned it to Chris, but he seems determined to get them. I feel appreciated, but at the same time, I'm really worried that he's making the wrong decision, and won't listen. I told him that I was perfectly okay with getting a much cheaper ring, if it means we'll be able to afford it. It will mean the same thing anyway. But he doesn't want his ring to be more expensive or something. I guess we'll see what happens. >.<;

So that sucked.

2006-07-07T12:39:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: I Am A Rock- Simon and Garfunkle

So we got back from work yesterday, and were turning our paperwork in at the shop when one of the nicer ladies who works there stops us. She says that basically if I'm going to go out with Chris on route and help him, then I have to wear a uniform.

Apparently, some retarded companies called and complained that "There's a girl with the City Parcel guy! OMG!" Never mind the fact that every place we go into asks "Ah, you got a helper today?" (which I hate. They always say it to me as if I'm fucking 5 >.<; ) To which I reply "Yeah, I'm his assistant, so we can get more stops done during the day." To which they reply "Ah, well, good then. I know I'd appreciate an assistant with what I do."

Which means its the retards from ABC Office Supply. We pick packages up from them daily to be delivered the next day. They're perpetually bitchy, finicky and generally a pain in the ass. We're supposed to pick up the packages NO EARLIER than 3:30 and NO LATER than 4:30. A 1 hour window in our variable schedule. Which we pretty much ignore. And we're NOT SUPPOSED TO BRING THE PACKAGES OUT THROUGH THE FRONT. Except that they regularly lock their gate leading to the back, so we have no choice. Anyway, point is, it's a building full of twats, and they regularly get ignored. And they probably complained about me for no good reason, other than to have something to complain about.

Anyway.

So the nice lady, who's name is Beth, tells me this. I sigh.

"Look," I say. "No offense against you. But if I'm not getting paid, then I'm not wearing a uniform. I'll wear T-shirts if that's what they want, and I'll wear a lanyard with a nametag which says "City Parcel" on it, but I'm not going to dress in a heavy, hot shirt and a heavy, hot hat in 90 degree weather if I'm not getting paid."

She was completely OK with that, and didn't take offense at all. She said she understood. She also asked why Chris wasn't paying me. Chris laughed and told her that, after expenses, he was making less than minimum wage. So he can't pay me. Beth was shocked.

Regardless of all of this, though, I can't go with Chris on route anymore. Which is fine, I suppose. It means I can look harder for a job, and start immediately when said job opens up. I have a really good shot at getting a job at Petco right now that I need to call back on. But it's sad that I can't go to work with Chris anymore and help out. I'll miss that. But shit happens.

Character Survey ^^

2006-07-07T12:29:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Lon Lon Ranch- Koji Kondo (Ocarina of Time)

1. What is your character's name? Melanithia Renee D'Hiversioux

2. What kind of character is it (furry, anime, etc) and any particular race? She's usually drawn in.. well... my style? I like anime eyes. She's half elf/half water nymph.

3. What is the first thing your character would think of when he/she first wakes up? "Oh gods, who am I sleeping next to- oh dammit. Jirad's trying to grope me again."

4. Your character's favorite outfit would be? Black pants, pirate boots, a black corset and some sort of dress shirt, her military captain's coat she stole from an Arcadian officer and her captain's hat if she's aboard her ship.

5. When your character looks into a mirror, what's the first thing they would notice? Her eyes, which are bright green, nearly luminescent, and the bright white streak of hair on the left side of her bangs.

6. Does your character have the same tastes in food as you? Pretty much, 'cept she comes from a richer household than me, so she would have a larger variety of likes than I do.

7. In what ways is your character similar to you? We both feel acutely responsible for our actions, even though sometimes we don't need to.

8. How is he/she different? She's thinner, quieter, and is OK with having anonymous sex.

9. If your character could speak, would they have the same voice as you? Her voice would be smoother than mine, and a bit higher pitched. With a peculiar, but elegant mixture of a French accent and an English accent.

10. If you were to suddenly become your character, what do you think would be the first thing you would do as them? Go and find some guy bein' mean to his girl, and then freeze his crotch over. I've always imagined that's more than a bit satisfying.

11. Is there something about your character that you don't like how others think of them? That she's super-kinky in bed. Naw. She was a slave of the sexual variety for a few years. She's not going to like some kinds of sex-sports, you pervs.

12. What advantages does your character have over you? Melanie speaks better than I ever will. And well, she is a sorcerer with control over water. She has the skills to captain a ship by herself.

13. What disadvantages? She's got a bit of a martyr complex, IE she tries to over-compensate for the wrongs she's done. Her conscience weighs very heavily on her mind.

14. Do you have any secrets relating to your character that only you know? Possibly.

15. Do you have any secret drawings only you know about? Nopers.

16. Do you have any plans for your character or are you working on something big relating to him/her? I'm currently writing a novel with her and my fiance's character Jirad in it. Sort of a swashbuckler fantasy geared for adults.

17. What misconception(s), if any, do people have about your character? That she's "an ice queen", when the opposite is true. She has powers over ice and water, but she's very warm, receptive and nurturing to those who she loves, or feels sorry for.

18. If you could have just ONE characteristic from your character, what would it be? Her ability to talk without stuttering, like I do.

19. Have you made any characters that go along with yours, based on real-life people, that have the same relationship with your character as you with the real-life person? I elaborated on Jirad, which is my fiance's character. He's my character's love interest, just like I'm engaged to my real life fiance.

20. Have you written any stories about your character? See above. Unfortunately, she started out as a Mary Sue, but I've broken free of that since then, and ported her over to some fiction and D&D games of my own design, plot and characters.

21. How has your character changed since his/her first creation? She never used to have a white streak down the side of her bangs. She was a Mary Sue, and she used to be very childish, very promiscuous and very, very kinky. Since then I've given her maturity, porter her over from fanfics, narrowed her sexuality a bit so that it doesn't define her, given her a deeper past, and peppered her with personality quirks.

22. Give us a one-liner from him/her. "If you like your hands, then you'll do very well to keep them away from my nethers, sir, because you may not see them again if you touch me."

23. What’s something people would be surprised to learn about your character? She was a slaver in her past.

24. If you met your character in real life, what would you do with him or her? Sit down, have some tea, have a nice discussion, and I'd take her on a tour of the modern world. ^^

4th of July

2006-07-05T16:42:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: JENOVA- Nobuo Uematsu

So yesterday was evenful, a bit stressfull, but ultimately enjoyable. A bit more planning could have gone into yesterday, but we'll know that for next year.

Carly and Michael, Tim, Chris, Lee and I all decide to pack up and head out to a lake to spend the day swimming. Carly suggests Lake Coeur D'Alene, because it has a really great fireworks show. There's a bit of discussion, but we ultimately decide to try and go for it, and Chris is all up for it, because he's got some fireworks that he would like to set off, because fireworks are illegal here in Spokane County.

After getting my dog Joxer into the car, and after a quick stop to Safeway, we head out. The heat was stifling yesterday, at 2:30 it was 99 degrees farenheit, and Carly and Michael's car have no air conditioning. So it's 4-60 AC all the way there.

Downtown Coeur D'Alene is a fucking ZOO. There was literally no parking for at least a good 10 blocks from the beach. You could see the beach was completely full of people, with more people streaming into it. Carly is still adamant at this point, but eventually, we decide to drive the road that goes around the lake, and we'll find a less crowded beach. I have a thing with crowds, not to mention that there was no free parking, we had no change left, no room on the beach, no place to put our stuff where it wouldn't get stepped on or stolen, and someone would have to stay out of the water and brave the crowds and other people's dogs as they kept Joxer on a leash, because Animal Control was actively patrolling the area.

So on we go, driving. And driving. And driving. Aaaaaand driving. Back and forth, turning around, going down random roads. Finally, about 5 pm or so, we get some directions to a public beach. Next time, come hell or high water, no matter WHAT anyone else says, I'm getting a goddamned map. Most of this would have been avoided if we would have stopped in at the gas station in Coeur D'Alene and grabbed a map of the lake from the Park's Service, like I had suggested. "No, we have a GPS." Bah. Maps like that have markers where the beaches are, with all the handy-dandy info, like if there's an outhouse, whether or not dogs need to be leashed, if there's a boatlaunch, ect.

Regardless, we find a place around 5. And oh my god, the water was so warm! It was so, so nice. The bottom was rocky, because it was a public beach, and all the rich assholes have pretty much eaten up all the sandy beaches for themselves. But we just kept our sandals on and continued to swim. After we all get tired of swimming, we all crowd at the end of the docks, and light off most of the fireworks we brought. What better place to light them off than over a lake? No thanks to the rich, drunk kids who kept buzzing the dock and making it rock back and forth, all the while laughing at us. I swear, spoiled rich kids have no common courtesy. Carly and Chris wanted to start skipping Roman Candles across the water at them, but we eventually decided not to waste our fireworks on them. ^_~

Well, it started to get cloudy and dark 'round about 8, so we decided to head back to Coeur D'Alene to catch the fireworks. We drive all the way back to town and park in a dermatologist's parking lot, with a wonderful view over the river, and catch the fireworks show at a distance. It was really spectacular. Especially since during all of this a hellacious thunderstorm was brewing, and the lighting was competing, almost literally, with the fireworks. BOOM! A red one would go off, and then over to our right, a huge bolt of lighting would split the sky. It was amazing, beautiful and fucking awesome.

On the drive home, the sky was lit up by just an insane amount of lighting. A flash to our left, then to our right, then two right in front of us. We could almost see where it was connecting.

After we got home last night, we all ate, and then just died. Chris forgot to set his alarm back to what it was before, and he was sleeping so hard that he was nearly late for work this morning, but luckily he made it.

I think yesterday was one of the best 4th of Julys I've had in a while. ^^

GEEKINESS A-GO-GO

2006-07-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: 1979- Smashing Pumpkins

How fast would you die in a cheesy zombie flick?

You're the tough guy who gets the most zombie kills. You make it most of the way, but die heroically by sacrificing yourself and taking out hundreds of zombies at the climax.
Take this quiz!

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You scored as Chaotic Good. A Chaotic Good person is someone who has little intrinsic respect for laws or authority, seeing them as insufficient to sustain what's right. These people work according to their own moral compass which, while good, is not necessarily always aligned with that of society. Despite their chaotic tendancies, these people are good at heart.

Chaotic Good

80%

Neutral Good

55%

True Neutral

50%

Lawful Good

50%

Chaotic Evil

30%

Lawful Neutral

25%

Chaotic Neutral

20%

Neutral Evil

20%

Lawful Evil

15%

What is your Alignment?
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You scored as Storm. Storm is the seconday team leader of the X-Men. She has a peaceful personality but must be careful since her emotions control her powers. She loves gardening and is afaid of tight spaces. Powers: Control of the Weather

Storm

95%

Rogue

80%

Jean Grey

80%

Colossus

80%

Wolverine

80%

Nightcrawler

60%

Cyclops

55%

Gambit

50%

Beast

35%

Iceman

35%

Emma Frost

35%

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
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You scored as Angel. Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.

Angel

100%

WereWolf

75%

Faerie

67%

Mermaid

58%

Demon

Dragon

What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
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You scored as Harry Potter. You can be a little reckless and hot-headed at times, but a more brave and courageous friend would be hard to find.

Harry Potter

90%

Albus Dumbledore

80%

Sirius Black

65%

Remus Lupin

65%

Ginny Weasley

65%

Ron Weasley

60%

Severus Snape

60%

Draco Malfoy

55%

Hermione Granger

50%

Lord Voldemort

15%

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
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You scored as You are an Angel of Beauty. You are an Angle of Beauty. You seek all those things which are visually appealing as well as those that are beautiful on the inside!

You are an Angel of Beauty

81%

You are an innocent Angel

81%

You are half Fallen/ half Light Angel!

75%

You are an Angel of Pain

63%

Angel of Light

50%

What kind of Angel are you??(PICS)
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You scored as Water. Water is the element that predominates in your life. Water rules the signs Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces.

Water

90%

Fire

70%

Air

60%

Earth

60%

Spirit

40%

Which of the Five Elements are you?
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You scored as Njord.

Njord

100%

Freya

90%

Sif

90%

Freyr

80%

Odin

80%

Heimdall

70%

Skadi

60%

Balder

50%

Tyr

50%

Bragi

50%

Thor

50%

Hel

40%

Loki

20%

Frigg

20%

Which Norse God or Goddess are you most like?
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You scored as Kiss My Ass. You are the kiss my ass bunny. People can say all they want about you and you wouldn't give a damn.

Kiss My Ass

100%

Sloppy and Weird

92%

Cute but Psycho

83%

You Suck and Thats Sad

75%

I Hate You so Bad

75%

Love Sucks

50%

You Smell Like Butt

33%

It's All About Me

25%

What's Your Happy Bunny?
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You scored as Gryffindor. You have been sorted into Gryffindor! You're brave, loyal, and perhaps a little short tempered- if someone says or does something you don't like, you'll make sure they know- and everyone else too- regardless of the consequences.

Gryffindor

85%

Ravenclaw

70%

Hufflepuff

65%

Slytherin

20%

The Hogwarts Sorting Hat!
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You scored as Artemis. You are Artemis - goddess of the hunt

Artemis

100%

Athena

70%

Aphrodite

30%

Hera

30%

What Greek goddess are you? (Females Only) (PICS)
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Yay For Weekends

2006-06-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: A Pirate Looks At Forty- Jimmy Buffet

I went to a tour, and a job interview with UPS this week. It was all kind of a blur, I really didn't want to apply, but Chris sort of rushed me into it. So I have a few weeks before I'll hear from them again, but I doubt I'd get the job. There were a few guys who were buffer, and with more experience than me. Which is fine, because I think I want to look for a slightly less hectic job. It was nice that the job involved me just loading a truck all by my lonesome, able to listen to my music, not wearing a uniform, and the benefits were awesome, but I seriously doubt I could keep up with the ridiculously fast pace the job demands. I'm not able, currently, to be chucking packages at a rate at 1 package after another for 4 straight hours. At least, not right now. Anyway, it's probably best that I find a slightly less demanding job, not to mention a job that's a bit closer, rather than about 10 miles away *L* A job that I could ride my bike to until I get my license.

That's my main motivation to getting a job right now, anyway. I want to be able to afford insurance, so I can get a license and not be tempted to drive without insurance. A few friends of mine, including Chris, had made that mistake, and they're paying assloads of money for it. Chris, fortunately, got insurance right away after he got his ticket, and they waived the fine. But I'm not stupid, I learn from others' mistakes as well as my own. It pays to pay attention now and again.

I'm crossing my fingers that maybe, just maybe, a music store will be hiring. Even for just a stockperson. That would be super-fucking-amazingly-awesome. I've been missing marching band a lot lately, and maybe if I found something based in music I'd ease that ache a bit.

If not, I'll find something. But I'm a bit nervous. I'd have to ask for a week off in September when I apply, and that never goes well. I'm afraid that it will hurt my prospects. But I suppose I've just gotta keep my fingers crossed and keep on trying.

Even though this week's been fairly light stops wise, the week has felt hectic and crazy. For two days, I got up, rushed to job interviews, rushed out of job interviews and rushed back to working with Chris. Not to mention it's been hot and sticky all week. Blaaaaaaaaah. I'm glad it's the weekend, 'cause I plan to plain veg out.

It keeps catching me off guard: My wedding will be in 2.5 months. O.O It seems so far away, but I know those months will pass by before I realize it. I'm so damned excited! Oh! I finally got a hold of Brian, and we're taking Dom in to get her dress fitted and bought this weekend. Also, Chris and I are going to shop around and figure out where we're gonna register.

So Yesterday Went Pretty Well...

2006-06-25T13:39:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: In a Gentle Rain-Robert W. Smith

So we had our planning meeting thingie yesterday. It went as well as expected. We got some things taken care of, some stuff finally set and planned out. Our rehearsal and dinner is on September 10th. Steve Rorie is gonna officiate for us, yay! Our budget is low, but I don't really care all that much. As long as it's nice, and it's not shoddy, and as long as we're not eloping, I don't care.

No thanks to Chris' mother, though. I don't know what's wrong with her, but she called on Friday and decided to take it upon herself to lecture him for an hour over the phone. First of all, she asked if we wanted her there for money.

Who the fuck asks that? Of course we didnt' want her there for money. We have no idea what we're doing with this wedding. We need experienced advice concerning how to go about things. All we wanted was for her to be there, for support, because she's Chris' mom.

But apparently that's horrible, and deserves a half hour long lecture. We should be pushing it back for a year, and we shouldn't be asking anyone for help, apparently, because a wedding is something that's completely on Chris and mine's shoulders. But even though she bitched that much, she reluctantly said she'd donate 200 dollars.

I don't know what's going on with her, but I really don't care at this point. That was horribly rude and uncalled for, and if she doesn't want to be a part of this, than fine, she doesn't have to be. We won't include her. We didn't want money from her. We didn't want the sudden bitchy-tirade, either. We just wanted her support, but apparently that's a huge imposition and she can't possibly give it to us. Grrr.

Survey Time!

2006-06-22T00:38:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: I Need A Hero- Shrek version

A - Available? Nopers
A - Age: 23
A - Annoyance: Religious extremism

B - Best Friends?: My fiance and Carly
B - Band: Alice in Chains
B - Birthday?: Dec. 13th

C - Crush: Chrissopher ^__^
C - Car: Shitty '78 Chevy Nova
C - Cat: FUCK CATS UP THEIR STUPID ASSES

D - Dead Pet's Name: Murphy Brown, female St. Bernard. I loved that dog.
D - Dad's Name: Michael
D - Dog: Joxer

E - Easiest person to talk to: Chris
E - Eggs: Scrambled, please! When you beat them, please put a bit of milk in, it makes for fluffier eggs!
E - Email: Ask, and thou might recieve if I'm feeling generous.

F - Favorite color?: Blue. Or Lavender. I have a few favorite colors.
F - Food: So many to choose from! Hm... steak, maybe? Chicken's awful versatile... I dunno! >.<;;
F - Foreign Language: Francais et Nihon-go
G - Gummi Bears or Worms: WORMS, BEEYOTCH.
G - God: Is probably a great being, but I think people misinterpret him, or her, or it. God has many reflections that can't be described with just one religion. And if he's not real, and there's a very real chance he's not, it's a nice idea.
G - Good Times: Marching band in high school. *sighs* I miss it lots.
H - Hair Color: Dark blonde.
H - Height: 5'4"
H - Happy: Kinda content, maybe, but not completely happy at the moment.
I - Ice Cream: Cherry Garcia, bitch!
I - Instrument: Clarinet, baritone (euphonium)
I - Idol: Angelina Jolie. I wouldn't quite say I idolize her, but I do look up to her.
J - Jewelry: My engagement ring and matching necklace. White gold, ceylon sapphire, small diamond chips. It looks like a drop of water with ice around it ^_^
J - Job: Novelist, chef or something involving orchestral music
J - Jokes: Pete and Repeat got into a boat....

K - Kids: 1. Much later in life. Like, 10 years in the future. If at all.
K - Karate: I can kick high.... that's about it.
K - Kung Fu: Hong Kong Fooey?
L - Love or lust: Definitely love.
L - Longest Car ride: 7 hour drive from Spokane to the Ho National Rainforest.
L - Lipstick or Chapstick: Chapstick.
M - Milk Flavour: Chocolate, wai!
M - Mother's Name: Christina
M - Movie Last Watched: Billy Madison. It was okay. It was an Adam Sandler movie, so eh.
N - Number of Siblings: 2. A younger brother and sister.
N - Name of Siblings: Billie Jo and Lee Edward
N - Name: My name? Victoria
O - One Wish: I wish I were rich, so my fiance and I could be better off, and so we could help our friends out.
O - One Phobia: NO! Too bad! I'm naming lots! Spiders, death, people, crowds, small places. HAH!
O - Otter Pop: Pancho Punch!!!
P - Parents, are they married or divorced: Divorced. My mom's divorced twice.
P - Part of your appearance you like best: I guess I like my hair and eyes the best. My hair I can style all sorts of ways, and my eyes are blue. *shrugs*
P - Part of your Personality you like best: Random bouts of silliness and insanity? Q - Quick or Slow?: In the middle. HAH.
Q - Queen or King?: Neither. I never want that sort of responsibility *L*
R - Reason to smile: Because I'm getting married in September.
R - Reality TV Show: Hogan Knows Best. That show makes me laugh. It's one of two reality shows I can stand to watch, because it's ridiculous.
R - Right or Left: I'm right handed.
S - Song Last Heard: NIN-Perfect Drug
S - Series: The Oz book series.
T - Time you woke up: 6:45 am
T - Time Now: 12:30
T - Time for bed: After I'm finished with this.
U - Unknown: Divinity. Wait, divinity exists in a candy... um...
U - Unicorns: is what my ranger/paladin will be riding soon, bitches!
U - You are: a tomboy
V- Vegetable you love: Mmmm, radishes.
V - Vegetable you hate: Fucking asparagas, broccoli, squash and cauliflower!
V - View on Politics: You can't legislate morality. This isn't a theocracy, so stop trying to fucking force your religious views on me, asshat.
W - Worst Habit: Being a bit indecisive. It's worse in the way that I usually get that way when I know there's a time limit on a decision. Pisses me off.
W - What's up?: Gas prices. Unfortunately.
W - Wijadija: Wikipedia?
X - X-Rays: Had one on my toe once, I think. I don't remember.
Y - Year you were born: '82
Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yellow?: Not my favorite color. Too damn cheery.
Z - Zoo Animal: I like dogs, horses and elk. Fuck your zoo animals.
Z - Zodiac: Saggitarius. Centaur Archer, FTW!
Z - Zoolander?: Never saw it all the way through. I still need to.

More thoughts on religion

2006-06-18T01:36:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: The Son Never Shines on Closed Doors- Flogging Molly
(heh.... ironic.)

These things I'm saying are my own opinions, which come from my own observations.

Religion and spirituality strike me as two different things. Related, but different.

Religion is a means to an end, that end being spirituality. Some people, I've noticed, prefer or need structure to find their spirituality, to feel closer to their God or whathaveyou. Religion consists of a set of rules or a regamine that one follows to achieve the feeling of spirituality.

Spirituality is the feeling that you are connected with the world around you, that your soul is enlightened, and that you've found a more profound meaning for your existance.

Now, I'm not refuting the fact that most people search for higher meanings for their lives. It's a very human thing to do. Very few want to think that they're no better than the pillbugs that crawl under rocks; that they're really no better than any common animal or plant put upon the earth. That being said, most people begin to search for a meaning to their lives, or create a meaning for their lives.

Most often, people turn to religion, which for them, begets spirituality. Religion, I've found, is a human's way of trying to set itself apart from the animals and plants around it. It's often characterized in denying it's animal urges, like sex or eating certain foods, his phobia of things that differ from him (though many religions use this as a tool for power, which I'll cover later.)

Religion, for most people, offers a clear path to one's spirituality. It's structered, and many people feel comfortable following rules and mastering their self discipline to achieve what they're looking for. However, the time that has to elapse for each person is different. Some people feel it the moment they begin practicing, while others spend their entire lives waiting for that one moment of clarity.

This is not to say that everyone who follows a religion is sincere in their search for spirituality. Some people are deluded or frightened into thinking that the only way to feel spiritual is to jump on a certain religion's bandwagon. Others, in their search for spirituality, are consumed by religious obsession, so that it rules every aspect of their lives. Others join religions for the sole purpose of a blissful afterlife, or for the boons the denomination grants them. Others join to rise through the ranks of a church or temple, to attain the power only being a holy man can offer.

The first example is simply a misguided person. Most people are ignorant to the fact that spirituality can be reached through means other than going to church every day. They're constantly bombarded by messages of simultaneous fear and bliss that often times they can't help but think it's the only way to go. This isn't spirituality. This is giving into peer pressure, essentially.

The second example has good intentions at heart, but his search for spirituality has consumed him. In a sense, he's found another spirituality, or rather something to fill the void. His religion penetrates every aspect of his life, from waking to sleeping, from love to hate, to hobbies and even small habits. An obsessive religious person is so convinced that his choice in denominations is right that he feels no remorse in infringing on the rights of others. This is not spirituality. This is obession.

The third example is a selfish person at heart. This sort of person is not likely to look at the potential good person inside him and be the best person he can be. He goes through the motions because he's told this will lead him to bliss. This isn't spirituality. It's self interest.

The fourth example is perhaps the vilest of all. The people who join a religion for the power. Religion is a powerful tool that can be used for good or evil. Those who use it to further their own means are probably some of the most evil people around. They manipulate the faith of innocent people to get their money, or to exact power over them, or to further their own hate for one group or another. This isn't spirituality. This is greed, pride and power.

What remains in religion are those who truly wish to find spirituality and to bond with their fellow man. These people I have no problem with, so long as their keep their religion to themselves. If they feel they need to take on a religion to find their spirituality, then more power to them, whatever floats their boat. Who am I to judge how they find their spirit? There are many people I know who have bettered themselves and their lives through religion, and have truly become happy with themselves, and if it works for them, then I'm happy for them. People work in different ways.

Now, there are people who don't feel they need religion to define themselves spiritually. There are people, such as myself, who feel that we can achieve a state of spirituality through thought and self worth.

My personal belief is that the religions of the world all reflect the worship of one enitity, energy or whathaveyou that presides over us all. Whether or not that worship involves Allah, God, earth spirits or a Goddess is irrelevant. The point is that you're worshipping the very essence of Earth and the human spirit, and through that, you're achieving your needed level of spirituality. I, myself, do not have a religion. I can go outside on a beautiful day, take a deep breath, and feel connected with the world. I can feel the human spirit when I look into my fiance's eyes, or when I watch a happy gathering. To me, each day is an affirmation of how we're all connected in the world, and how our actions affect one another, and how important it is to nurture our planet and the loved ones around us. Each day is an affirmation of life. And through living my life to the fullest I give thanks in my heart to whatever energy made all of it possible. I don't feel obligated to adhere to a strict rule-set, or practices, or physical offerings of my thanks.

To me, life is something to be lived. To quote a man who spoke at my sister's commencement, "Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is it. Live it to the fullest."

Even though I'd like there to be something there for me after I pass on, there's a chance there won't be. So I'll be the best person I can be, live my life to the fullest, and pass on knowing that I enjoyed my life and made a difference in one way or another. In the end, religious or not, that'ss something we can all bank on.

Pants really ought to be stronger.

2006-06-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Who'll Stop the Rain- CCR

Yesterday at work, I was climbing up on the catwalk next to the conveyer belt at work, when my pants suddenly rip! From the inside of my mid-thigh all the way up to my fly! Holy crap! That was embarrassing! Especially since I was the only woman in the warehouse! Luckily, no one noticed as I told Chris want happened and slipped into the cab of the truck. But soon I heard Chris having trouble with the load he was recieving, so I had to duct-tape my pants back together and rush out to help him.

It kept my pants together, but it also stuck to my skin. Owie. It left little bruises all up my left thigh as it stuck tight to my skin and refused to let go.

So I need to get some new pants. I think I'm going to get a few pairs, maybe 2 or 3, and a nice shirt. I need a nice blouse for job interviews, because the other nice blouses I have show a bit of cleavage, by a bit I mean more than a bit since I've gained a bra size, and that's far from appropriate for job interviews. So I'll probably get a nice button up shirt and a jacket. Of course, this is when we get the money. But the shirt and jacket are must haves, because I need to find a part time job fairly soon. This makes me nervous, as we're close to the date of our wedding, and me not being home means I can't plan for it. Grr.

I went to my sister's graduation from Spokane Falls Community College today, and it stayed clear and nice all the way up to the recession, when it got dark and started to storm. I didn't bring my jacket because it was nice, and I was wearing a white skirt. I had no intention of showing the entire gathering my panties, so I hurried to something covered, and then to the car. My dad took us out to dinner, and we had a nice time. I feel like my family is getting closer together now that we're not living together.

I can't wait to go to college. Of course, money's an issue, but I want to go back to school fairly badly. I want to be in band again, and I want to get some sort of arts degree. Well, patience is a virtue, and I have lots of that.

Change is good.

2006-06-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Landslide- Fleetwood Mac

I like this template better. It's all pastel and soothing and stuff.

Rain rain rain...

2006-06-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Strawberry Wine- Dina Carter

It's been raining steadily all day, and I'm am perfectly okay with that. It's so much better than the nasty heat that Spokane is prone to during the summer. That's not to say that I don't wish this summer was warm, but I certainly hope that this summer is dotted with more days like this. And man, have there been a crapload of thunderstorms thus far! It's been awesome.

So yeah. I'm not going to dignify Sparky and Captain Assanine with responses for a while over on their blog. It's beginning to be very clear that they're saying some of the things they are strictly for attention, and I despise attentionwhores. It'll take a bit of willpower, though. The things they say really piss me off, when generally when I'm pissed off, it's my first reaction to be very vocal about it.

Chris' mother decided to take it upon herself, the other day, to tell Chris that we should push our wedding back another year. And then she told Chris' grandmother, who also decided to sit him down and lecture him about it. To which Chris said "No, stop worrying". Especially since the first few months during our planning, all she did was stare at us when we talked to her about it. So she can calm down and help us out, like everyone else is going to.

Honestly, who tells someone to push back their own wedding like that? *sighs*

I've had the urge lately to write. But I've got no decent word program yet. Grrrrrrr. I have an entire part in my novel that I need to rewrite. Also, I've had a strange urge to write fanfic again. I think if I do end up doing that, I might change around the story I was originally writing. Or just write oneshots. Fanfic is fine, as long as it's not riddled with Mary-Sues, stupid-ass "fanpairings" and sex for no reason. *gag* I'm so sick of "OMG SEX VASH AND DRACO WAI! STUPID BREEDERS!" Grow up, fangirls, and get laid, please.

I think I'm gonna make chicken alfredo tonight for dinner. Which means I've gotta go to the store and get some noodles, sauce and all of that. I get to use my new umbrella, hurray!

......

2006-06-12T17:49:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Ghost Riders in the Sky - Johnny Cash

http://jesusloveseverything.blogspot.com/2006/06/its-never-too-late-even-for-brain-dead.html

My God. Just... Jesus Christ. People like this shouldn't be allowed to breed. I'm literally sickened. Seriously. My stomach turned. These sick bastards need to be dragged from their homes and forced into a mental facility before they hurt someone. Seriously. And to think, Nathaniel has a family. It's depressing.

I Love This Song, 'Cause It's True

2006-06-11T15:09:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Russian Sailor's Dance- Tchaikovsky

Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Go to Fred Segal, you'll find them there

Laughing loud so all the little people stare

Looking for a daddy to pay for the champagne

(Drop a name)

What happened to the dreams of a girl president

She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent

They travel in packs of two or three

With their itsy bitsy doggies and their teeny-weeny tees

Where, oh where, have the smart people gone?

Oh where, oh where could they be?

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back

Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

(Break it down now)

Disease's growing, it's epidemic

I'm scared that there ain't a cure

The world believes it and I'm going crazy

I cannot take any more

I'm so glad that I'll never fit in

That will never be me

Outcasts and girls with ambition

That's what I wanna see

Disasters all around

World despaired

Their only concern

Will they fuck up my hair

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back

Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

[Interlude]Oh my god you guys, I totally had more than 300 calories

That was so not sexy, no

Good one, can I borrow that?[Vomits]

I WILL BE SKINNY

(Do ya thing, do ya thing, do ya thing)

(I like this, like this, like this)

Pretty will you fuck me girl, silly as a lucky girl

Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl!

Pretty would you fuck me girl, silly as a lucky girl

Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl!

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back

Push up my bra like that, stupid girl!

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back

Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back

Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Gay Rights Parade

2006-06-10T19:44:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Goo Goo Dolls- Acoustic #3

So lots of fun stuff today. We went to the Rainbow Parade and festival, which was all about gay rights. The parade was short, but colorful and made quite an impact. The turnout to this festival was twice what it was last year, and wow there were a lot of people there. Chris, my roomate and I went to support a gay co-worker of ours who asked us to be there for support.
It's scary; some of the drag queens there filled dresses out better than I did. How sad is that? *L*
While there, I got a nice new pair of earrings, rode on the gondola over Spokane Falls, got to pet some puppies at the SCRAPS booth that was there. Squee ^__^
The Universal Unitarian Church was there. I read their pamphlet. They're pretty cool, all about being spiritual, tolerant and accepting without being rigidly religious, pretentious or bigoted. I'm thinking that if our current idea for an officiate doesn't work, I'll talk to Chris about possibly having a preacher from that church officiate our wedding. It's another contingency, anyway.
Afterward, we wandered down to Boo Radley's, where I got some pirate stickers, yay! And then we wandered down to Uncle's Games, where I got a purple d6 with a skull and crossbones, and Chris got a d6 numbered in Japanese.
It was raining earlier on today, but about a half hour after the parade had started, it cleared right up and the sun came out. It was a bit soggy and muggy, but the atmosphere was really nice.
I was suprised to see as many families as I did at the festival. It's heartening to know that parent's aren't shielding their children from the facts of the world, and are instead letting them experience them, to make decisions of their own.
I think the general happy atmosphere can be attributed to the fact that the constitutional amendment that would have banned gay marriage was rejected in congress this week. I seriously hope that this state rethinks it's stance on gay marriage. I mean, I'm all for churches dictating who they do and don't marry -to do otherwise would be infringeing on their religious rights- but if a more accepting church wants to marry a gay couple, they should be able to. Likewise, if a gay couple wants to get a civil union, they should be able to. Gays marrying isn't hurting anything. They're not breaking up married couples. They're not kicking puppies. They're not pissing in everyone's Cheerios. They just want the same rights as straights, and that's not a crime.

More of the Same

2006-06-10T01:01:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Strawberry Alarmclock- Incense and Peppermints

These things are so fun. I'm addicted to them, I swear....

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.
You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.
You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!
A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions.
You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated.
You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

Your Love Element Is Water

In love, you connect deeply and commit totally.
For you, love is all about taking risks and moving into unknown territory.

You attract others with courage and confidence.
Your flirting style is defined by your flexibility and ability to adapt.

Nurturing and shared learning are the cornerstones of your love life.
And while you may jump in to love too quickly, you always come out the wiser for it.

You connect best with: Metal

Avoid: Earth

You And another Water element: will pull each other down into a dark place

What Element Is Your Love?

Your Dosha is Kapha

Calm and grounded, you are not prone to mood swings or anger.
However, once you do get angry, it takes a lot to cool you down.
You tend to think a little slower than most people, but your logic is astounding.
Overall, you very loyal and trustworthy. You're not scared of being who you really are.

With friends: You enjoy their company, but often listen more than talk

In love: You crave connection and affection. It's hard for you to be single.

To achieve more balance: Exercise vigorously (especially in the sun) and let go of attachments.

What's Your Dosha?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are Artemis!

Brave, and a natural born leader.
You're willing to fight for what you believe in...
And willing to make tough decisions.
Don't forget - the people around you have ideas too!

What Goddess Are You?

You Are Trinity

"Touch me and that hand will never touch anything again."

What Superheroine Are You?

So Here's the Rundown...

2006-06-08T20:19:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Rodeo -Hoedown- by Aaron Copland

Wedding checklist:
~Called Brian about Dominique's appointment to get her dressed fitted. Left a message with Ami.
~Had Chris call his mom and recruited her for looking into Cliff Park, and to possibly pull some old Boy Scout strings.
~Called my mom to inform her we have another person working on the wedding place as well.
~One of my bridesmaids is still looking up recipes. Need to set a date to go through all of those.
~Still need to get the mom's dresses.
~WEDDING CAKES, FLOWERS AND DJ.

G'ah.

I applied at Petco today as a brusher. I'd basically just brush dogs in the grooming department. We need some extra cash, if for anything my insurance for my lisence. I really would like my driver's lisence, and it would help out a lot. So if anything, a part time job would pay for my insurance. Plus I wouldn't have to deal with a lot of people. I can dig that.

Chris' job is giving him crap. They keep adding stops and sections to his route, and not compensating him for them, but they expect him to keep up the same time frame and job performance. He has pick-ups at the end of his route, but they have to be picked up by 5. With the current amount of stops he has, he can't get to the pickups by 5, as he's 1 or 2 sections away, and has been having to have other workers cover his pickups for him. He averages about 12 stops per section, and he has 6 sections. So that's an average of 72 stops a day. In a timeframe of 9-5. Not counting bathroom breaks and stopping somewhere to, oh, I dunno, eat. And that's just average. It's really harsh. So if asking for a raise and taking the pickups off the end of his route doesn't work, he's probably going to start looking for another job. He likes delivering packages, but this is really eating away at him. He busts his ass so hard, and it's still not good enough, even when I'm there to help him on his route. It seriously blows.

Apparently we're getting a gerbil, cage and food for free. Carly is bringing him over, because they can't re-sell animals that people have brought back for a refund. Which is fine, we have rats already, so a gerbil won't be so bad.

After she gets here and leaves, I'm gonna go for a walk. I've been trying to get more exercise, cut back on my portions and junk food. It's just healthier for me, and summer-time's the time to do it. I'm also trying some supplements that boost my metabolism and energy. Yes, I'm being careful with them, and if they start adversely affecting me, I'll stop. I'm not dumb, but I figured I'd give them a shot.

That's about it.

Interesting Thought

2006-06-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Nutshell- Alice in Chains

So Chris and I were discussing religion the other day, after another night of pseudo-debating with Sparky the Wonder Zealot online. We were coming out of 7-11 just after getting gas, munching on hotdogs and taking off to go start on the second section we deliver to when I had a thought:

If the Fundamentalist Christian Right had their way, every right and privilage would be stripped from one if one were not Christian. The right to vote, the right to buy and sell, the right to ... well, do just about anything.

Now, take that notion, and apply it to Revelations. The End Times. Where when the AntiChrist appears, "true" Christians would be persecuted, and couldn't buy or sell things unless they had his number on the backs of their hands or on their foreheads.

Sounds familiar? It sounds a lot like what the Fundies want to do.

What if the Fundies were fulfilling their own prophecy? What if they're the evil we're suppose to overcome, according to the Bible? They abuse the Christian faith for their own reasons anyway, and hate everyone who disagrees with them.

If that were the case, all the Christians and good people who have Jesus and his love in their heart -the love that Jesus had intended, not what the Fundies take literally for their own gains- would rise to Heaven, and Jesus would smite the evil ones.

Now, I'm no Christian, but that's a damn interesting hypothesis. I know that if I were Jesus, and I had preached love and understanding in my lifetime, only to look down on the earth and see the hate and violence carried out in my name, I'd be extremely pissed. I'd want to smite a few heads in too.

Anyway, I've been tossing that idea around in my head for a few days. It's interesting, anyway.

Mleh.

2006-06-06T18:03:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Tonight Tonight- Smashing Pumpkins.

Mleh. Today was a better day work-wise. Less stops, and we got off work on time. Chris talked to the guys at work, and got their opinion on asking for a raise. They all agreed that he needs a raise, but he's gotta get some numbers together to prove to the boss that he deserves one. I hope he can convice his boss to give him a raise. Being compensated for the rise in gas prices would be awesome. Maybe we'd be able to spend more money on our wedding.

I'm feeling generally depressed. I swapped blog addresses with a friend of mine. So I was looking through his friends, and found a few of my friends. I skimmed a few friend's blogs, and came on one guy's blog who had some pretty horrible things to say about me. Apparently, he just keeps up "a song and dance", because I'm in his gaming groups. And I'm "a mutual friend of just about everyone he knows, so he couldn't drop be like a bad habit." Granted, this entry was in late 2004, but I really don't appreciate being lied to. Especially given the circumstances of the entry. I'd rather he just tell me this shit to my face so I could not talk to him and be done with it. Why all this passive-agressive bullshit?

I realize I had a hand in breaking he and my sister up. But what the hell was I supposed to do? Why should I have lied? If I had lied, when things got hairy, my sister would have just told mom I lied for her anyway to take the heat off of her, like she's done before. Besides, if mom found out I had lied, she would have thrown me out of my house. I had no job at the time, no where to go. I wasn't going to risk a place to sleep and food to eat because my sister wanted to ride some cock and take the guy's money, all the while cheating on him.

I tried telling him he was being cheated on. But of course, I apparently was only being vindictive, because I crushed on him, and my sister got to him first. I didn't care about him at all, or how he was being made a fool of, or how badly my sister was using him. Nope, apparently I'm incapable of being nothing but "overbearing, arrogant, controlling" and a trite plethora of other things.

Anyway, I found that last night. Not pleasant at all. It's strange, the stuff you can find on the 'net. Makes me wonder how many of my other friends might feel the same way. I honestly don't understand why any of this came to pass. I'm not fucking controlling. I try my damnedest not to be. Especially during the last few years. My mother is controlling, and I'll be damned if I turn into her. If it's because I'm assertive and don't just roll over and take things like a whiny bitch, then I'm terribly sorry, but I don't believe on getting walked all over because it's easier. I stand up for myself, and that's not a crime.

So I'm still kinda angry, but mostly depressed. He might not even think this anymore. It's been nearly 2 years after all. But it's something that doesn't dismiss itself easily from the mind. I've never had anyone who wanted to "drop me like a bad habit" before. That stings pretty badly. I'm sorry I hurt him, but at that point, it was his dick getting wet or my home, and my home won out. And if he doesn't believe me, then so be it, but he didn't live with my mother. He wouldn't understand. He didn't have his mother taking him into the next room and threatening to pack you up in the middle of the night and ship you out to your biological father who molested you when you were little and you don't even remember. It scared the shit out of me because I had no money, no job, and no way to get out. And I certainly wasn't going to burden my friends. Some of them were much worse off than I was.

So I suppose the moral of the story is "You think you know someone....". It goes both ways.

YOU ARE 70% BOYISH AND 30% GIRLISH

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

HOW YOU ARE IN LOVE

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.
You give and take equally in relationships.
You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.
You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Fun-Type Quizzes!

2006-06-03T20:24:00.000-07:00

Your Aura is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart.

You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone.

Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What Color Is Your Aura?

Blue is my favorite color ^_^ And this is weird, since I've often bounced the idea around to be a psychologist.

You are a Lily

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

This one was weird. Chris calls me "Waterlily" when he's feeling romantic.

Your Eyes Should Be green

Your Eyes Should Be Green

Your eyes reflect: Striking attractiveness and danger
What's hidden behind your eyes: A vivid inner world

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Even creepier. Melanie, my latest character concept and the mate to Chris' character in my book, has green eyes. O.O

You are a Self Discoverer

You are a Self-Discoverer

You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality.Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine.You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion.You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.

What's" Your Religious Philosophy?

Very, very true. I believe religion is merely means to an end; a tool to find spirituality. Some peopl need it, some people don't, and some people abuse the hell out of it for their own gain.

Your Hair Should Be Purple

Intense, thoughtful, and unconventional.You're always philosophizing and inspiring others with your insights.

What's" Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

You Have a Melancholic Temperment

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.
At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

Very true sometimes.

Grr's and spazzes

2006-06-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Macaron Chacaron- El Mudo

Random Grrs that've been bugging me lately:

~ My friggin' scanner won't work since I updated my OS! I think I might have to hit the pawn shops to find me another scanner or something, 'cause otherwise my DeviantArt site's gonna collect dust. I have a few pictures that I want to post, but can't. Blaaaaaaaah.

~ It's irritating how businesses that are open from 9-5 on weekdays are only open until 1 or 2 on Saturdays. I can understand why, but it's so inconvinient! I went price-shopping for wedding cakes today, and the place I wanted to check out was only open until 2 PM. I had other things to do today, and I can't get in to see them during the week, because of their hours. Damn irritating.

~ I hate living from paycheck to paycheck. There are so many things I'd like to get for the house, and I'd like to start school again like nothing else, but I can't even start. Not working= no money. Cutting hours=no money. Lately I've actually been thinking about applying part time at the Starbucks near our house, just for a day or two to bring in a little extra revenue, but that would mean I'd have to stop helping Chris out at work, which leads to a chain reaction of bad events on that scale. It blows. But he's going to be asking for a raise soon, so that's a ray of sunshine.

Random *spazzes*!

~ I went to feed marmots (rock chucks for you East-Coast people ^_~) with Carly on Wednesday ^__^ It was so awesome. We hand fed them 2 bags of carrots. They were literally trying to crawl into our laps to get at the food. At one point, there was this squirrel that was chirping at me from behind the fence. I was sitting on the ground, looking up at him, and I said "Sorry buddy, you've gotta come over here." I think he got the hint, because he climbed up the fence around the other marmots, chirped at me from the top of the fence, then climbed down. So I was feeding Craisins to this squirrel, who was hanging upside down by his back feet. It was damn near the cutest thing ever. And we're gonna go do it again tomorrow ^__^

~I found a whole bunch of music I played in highschool on Limewire! The other night, I was up super-late, and I had this random idea. I typed in "Robert W Smith" and hit search, and I found the CD cuts of his music! I found "Where the Black Hawk Soars", "Into the Storm", "Encanto", "To Challenge the Sky and Heavens", "Rites of Tamburo", and a few others.

~ I recently finished re-painting the bell of my clarinet. Before, I had painted a garland of silver vines and red roses, but over the years it chipped and faded. This time I did a garland of green vines and blue bell shaped flowers. I think it turned out really well. ^____^

My thoughts on Pedophiles.

2006-06-01T19:40:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening To: Devil's Dance Floor- Flogging Molly

WARNING: Much anger ahead. Just so you know.

I fucking hate pedos. There are many things that I dislike, that I say I hate because hate is the word that comes to mind, but I actually hate pedophiles. Nothing pisses me off more than when people prey on and hurt those weaker than them, and in many cases, none are so much weaker than everyone that children.

Now, those who know me know for a fact that I'm wary of children in the first place. Kids bug me. If I ever have children, and Chris and I have been talking about it in the far future, I hope to Whichever Deity or Energy is listening that I develop the patience for them. But despite my misgivings for the little ankle-biters, people hurting them sets off my already short fuse. Call it feminine instict.

And nothing is more fuckered up than child molestation.

Let's think back to when we were children. Let's say, from the time you can actually remember to about 10. Remember when you knew sex existed, but you never saw it, like UFOs and El Chupacabra. I distinctly remember it. And though many of you really don't wanna know, I didn't start getting puberty-tinglies until I was at least 13. So when people spout this crap about how "children should be able to express themselves sexuall", I immediately call bullshit. Pure, stinking bullshit.

I don't know what pisses me off more; pedophiles or the people who defend them. I understand that they're sick, but just because they're sick in the head doesn't excuse them from the fact that they want to hurt children. And the kind of hurt they inflict can screw a child up faster than you think.

I should know. I don't specifically remember any of it, but I had dreams all through my childhood and into adult hood that I couldn't explain until my mom told me what happened when I was 17. Everything just sort of fell into place; why I didn't like people touching me, why I always had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when sex was intimately discussed, all the dreams I was having. It was as if things went into a still frame, tarnished, and.. well, I can't really describe what it was like. I suppose in a fucked up way it's akin to being told Santa Claus doesn't exist. There's nothing quite like being told the virginity and innocence you were cherishing so much doesn't exist. That the thing you were hoping to give to just the right person had been taken from you before you were even cognizent of what it meant.

And what's funny is that it was like I had always known. In my mind, right before my mom was about to tell me, I thought "Oh god, I was molested, wasn't I?" Some kind of fucked up pre-cog. And I still have nightmares. Now they're a bit more detailed, and in different situations, but there have been a few times I've woken up in a cold swear, on the verge of tears over something I don't even remember happening.

>.<; I'm glad for my friends, who have helped me through the grieving of innocence lost.

But tangents aside, I sympathize and empathize with the little kids who had to go through this. I mean, hell, I don't remember the details, I can only imagine the torment of remember every moment and instance of said atrocity, and living with it as an 8 year old. This is something that will remain in the back of their minds, even after they've been helped through it. A scar that will fade in some respects, but never disappear. All that innocent trust you had for adults shattered because some sick fuck couldn't keep it in his pants.

*shudders*

My sort of justice is dragging them out into the streets by their hair, and removing their face with a shotgun, who's buckshot has been replaced with rocksalt. Quick, but painful and very public. But my sort of justice really doesn't go over well in the real world, and even though I'd love to employ justice upon those who would willingly hurt children, I recognize that it'd probably fuck me up beyond repair, and upset quite a few people.

So I leave it up to the justice department. I can only hope that their efforts to catch these bastards improve. South Carolina just passed a bill to allow prosecutors to persue the death penalty in more than one instance of sexual assault in a minor younger than 11. That's a weight off my mind.

I imagine it's a weight off the mind of the parents who have been made to suffer as well.

First off, a bit off my chest.

2006-06-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I'm soooo eager for my wedding to be over. Not because I don't think it will be one of the happiest and beautiful moments in my life, but because of the damned planning! God, it's stressful. I feel like it's going nowhere, no matter what I do. A friend of mine said "one thing at a time", but what am I supposed to do when even one step at a time is hindered?

I'm thinking of asking my dad for financial help with it. Mostly with the place we'll be married at, the reception hall and the floral, I think. I can't afford to make this wedding nice. But I'm hoping my family will help out as crunch time approaches.

Thus far, I've gotten catering figured out, in so far as I'm getting together some moms and friends of mine, and they'll make a crapload of hors h'ouerves. My friend's girlfriend can do the photography for $175, I've gotten my dress and my bridesmaid's dresses together. Decorations will be next to no effort, but I'm still looking for a place to make the wedding cake. My mom's offered to pay for the honeymoon, ect.

But the fact remains that I still don't have a place to have the ceremony yet. I'm hoping that Cliff Park will be avaliable, but if not I may have to look into the 4 parks the Parks Department said, and cross my fingers that they won't rush us through our ceremony.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing this by myself, and that no one's really all that interested in it. Everyone seems so apathetic about it when I try and discuss the details about the wedding with them.

I'm going out of my skull with this. Oi.

Emotional Spectrum - Warm Fuzzies to Angerfests

Stuff

Moving and stuff ^_^

Kirai Sneaky Desu!

Alarmist Paranoid BULLSHIT.

Gaming and stuff

Aawe ^.^;

Why is the tough shit always a surprise?

Oh wow...

So, so true...

Circumcision cuts the chance of AIDS by half?

Musical Chairs...?

It's trying really hard to snow...

Tattooed, Bitches!

One More Thing!

And On to Other Things...

'Nother survey, I got bored.

NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!??!?

Oh For The Love...!

Survey 'n' Stuff

Who'd Have Thought I'd Enjoy Being a Barista...

G'bye, money! See you never again!

I thought this was funny as shit.

Wedding Pictures!

~Jittery~

Speaking of Tool....

I Really Have To Get Off Of Chris' Sleep Schedule...

3 Weeks and Counting...

Finally Driving Again! And Other Things.

PIRATING A GO GO

Driving and All That Fun Stuff!

-Insert Spiffy Title Here, K?-

Today Was Rather Eventful

So that sucked.

Character Survey ^^

4th of July

GEEKINESS A-GO-GO

Yay For Weekends

So Yesterday Went Pretty Well...

Survey Time!

More thoughts on religion

Pants really ought to be stronger.

Change is good.

Rain rain rain...

......

I Love This Song, 'Cause It's True

Gay Rights Parade

More of the Same

So Here's the Rundown...

Interesting Thought

Mleh.

Fun-Type Quizzes!

Grr's and *spazzes*

My thoughts on Pedophiles.

First off, a bit off my chest.

Grr's and spazzes